How to Cultivate Happiness: Flow with the Seasons

Shortly after birth of my son in 1975

Shortly after birth of my third child, my son, in 1975

When my children were young our family life revolved around their care, school work, and extracurricular activities. During that season of my life my husband and I had jobs, but our children were at the center of our planning. It was our childrearing season.

Here is what I shared in Chapter 6 in my book, “Color Your Life Happy: Create the Success, Abundance and Inner Joy You Deserve.”
about balancing family and work

Once committed and in tune with your spiritual source you will attract into your life the many things, people and circumstances that will make your intention manifest.

When my husband and I were raising our children, their concerns and needs were at the center of our planning.

When we remodeled our kitchen, for example, I wanted a work island even though our kitchen wasn’t quite big enough to give the preferred clearance according to the designer. But while he was just designing a meal preparation and eating center, I was also designing a homework and project center.

On week nights it was a wonderful spot for all four of the children to gather and complete their homework assignments and craft projects. On weekends it became the family cooking center. Sundays after church we’d experiment with new recipes that I found in the local and weekly newspapers. Each child helped do the chopping, grating, measuring and pouring. One of those recipes was such a hit with us that decades later it is still our favorite dish.

I successfully completed the season of childrearing and have enjoyed a number of other seasons since.

Your life,too, goes in seasons. It’s important to throw your energy and efforts into the season in which you are currently living rather than fighting against it.

Resist the temptation to look back to a season that has passed or forward to one whose time has not come. Be fully in the season you are in.

Perhaps you are in your spring preparation season where you are attending college, trade school or completing an internship. Open yourself to all the benefits of this season to create a firm foundation for upcoming seasons where you will enjoy the full bloom of summer.

Or perhaps you are in a wintry transition season between the end of a job, a relationship or death of a loved one and the start of a new way of life for you. Examine what you need to remove from your environment and what you need to gather to expedite the growth. Be patient with yourself as you grieve the loss, and know that the new growth that is not yet visible is forming and preparing to emerge to a full harvest.

To curse the season you are in is not productive. It makes you feel stuck and resentful. The worse part is you miss the beauty of that season and its potential for happiness. Notice the season you are in and flow with it.

How to Cultivate Happiness: Feed Daily

Posing with Uni and Joungmin on my patio

Posing with Uni and Joungmin on my patio

No matter how well you’ve planted the seeds for happiness and removed the weeds, you must feed daily to keep happiness thriving in your life. Here are five ways to do this:

1. Be curious

Stay open to new ideas by reading and listening to inspirational, entertaining and informative material. There is much material available to you online, in your local library and many other places.

One such place to spark new ideas is Springwise This company has 80,000 spotters around the globe looking for inspirational ideas for entrepreneurs. Maybe one of this ideas will spark a new venture in your mind.

2. Be sociable

Get off the Internet for a while and hang out with other people near you who share your interests and are engaged in activities you enjoy. One place to start is Meetup.com, the world’s largest network of local groups. Search for groups in your interest area and locale, or start one if you wish. I belong to several Meetups in my area and assisted my daughter in starting one.

3. Be giving

Donate to charities and agencies in need of aid, but also give of yourself. It feeds your happiness and spreads it to others. One way that some are giving of themselves is through couchsurfing.org, the largest hospitality exchange network in the world. Through CouchSurfing travelers make connections with others in the local communities they visit. You may participate by meeting a visitor for coffee when they are in your town or host them if you wish. The photo above shows a couple who stayed with us for three days on their long road trip from Canada back to their home in South Korea.

4. Be positive.

It is said that we have about 70,000 thoughts per day. If it is true that we attract what we think about, then we must selective about the thoughts that permeate our minds all day.

The thoughts in your mind won’t control circumstances outside of you, they just determine how you react to and are affected by those circumstances.

One way I stay positive is to talk to other positive people, listen to motivational and inspirational audio and live programs, and most of all, begin and end each day with positive affirmations and prayer. For weekly tips that will help you stay focused on positive, be sure to subscribe to the Color Your Life Happy Newsletter.

5. Be proactive.

Insist on doing things you enjoy. Don’t get so caught up in working that you neglect engaging in what you find enjoyable.

Be resourceful and creative about it. If you enjoy gardening, for example, but seem to be short on time once you arrive home, then bring live plants into your office or workplace. An added benefit according to some studies is that live plants help purify the air, create soothing effects and help reduce work stress.

Using these ideas daily will help feed and maintain your happiness.

How to Cultivate Happiness: Get Rid of the Weeds in Your Life

Working dog by meg price on flickr

Working dog by meg price on flickr

Weeds are a type of plant that appear in even the best of gardens. A whole industry of tools, techniques and herbicides has been created to get rid of them. Why are the grass and plants we call weeds so unwelcomed?

Weeds are the dreaded enemy of beautiful gardens because they compete with your garden for water and nutrients. Likewise, the weeds in your life must go because they sap your energy and block the intake of positive thoughts and action toward your goals.

What are some of these weeds?

1. Some weeds were born into your life through no fault of your own. They are better known as family. Some family members are wonderfully nurturing and a joy to have in your life. Others are toxic, negative, choking the life out of your goals and positive action. You know the ones I mean. They are the ones who leave a heavy cloud of doubt, depression and sorrow even after they are no longer physically present.

2. Some weeds you brought into your life. These are better known as friends, spouses and children. While we all would love to be able to share our dreams and goals with these people closest to us, it’s not always the wisest thing to do. Be selective about sharing your dreams with those who don’t have your best interest at heart. Even though they may have good intentions, watching you go after your passion makes them afraid for your safety and ashamed of their own lack of action. If you let them project their fears and insecurities on you, your progress toward the life that makes you happy will be slowed if not stopped.

3. Some weeds come into your life based on circumstances and situations. These are better known as neighbors, coworkers, and members of clubs and associations. When you were hired by your company or when you joined a given church or club, folks were already there. Some of these people will share your interests and become close friends and partners. Others may feel threatened by your positive actions and work to sabotage you.

How do you remove these weeds from your life?

Minimizing contact is the first step to reduce exposure to the life-sapping efforts of people out to diminish your worth and devalue your goals. When on a job, for example, you choose carefully the people with whom you will have lunch or take breaks.

There are some, of course, from whom you must sever ties as soon as you are aware of the damage they are causing. When you are in any relationship where you sustain physical, emotional or psychological violence, your life and well being depend on removing yourself as soon as possible to safety.

Preventing future weeds from entering and taking over your beautiful and thriving life is the next step. Now that you can recognize them, you can act quickly to keep them from getting a foothold in your life.

Finally, be on guard against inviting and entertaining your own internal weeds in the form of negative thinking and self-destructive habits.

As you practice more positive thoughts, follow your passion and pursue your goals be prepared for the efforts of the weeds to return. It’s their nature to go where they can get nourishment. Now that you are set on cultivating happiness, you must absolutely deny their presence in your life.

But don’t worry about them, they are a hardy and determined breed. They will soon find new, unsuspecting hosts nearby.

What Lifts Your Mood?

pajamasshanghai fr boingboing.net

pajamasshanghai fr boingboing.net

Let’s face it. We all feel down at times. After all, we’re living a human experience.

A happy person is not one who never feels sad, disappointed and sometimes downright mad. A happy person acknowledges these real feelings when they show up, but doesn’t let them linger long. If you accept that what we dwell on expands, then you want to let go of those negative feelings as soon as you catch them invading your space.

So, when you feel down, what do you do?

Some meditate, do yoga, walk in nature, or whistle a happy tune. Research has shown that watching comedies, laughing and dancing all help not only lighten moods, but also strengthen the immune system’s ability to fight disease.

Me?

I wear happy pajamas to lift my mood. Happy pajamas–that’s what I call my themed pajamas.

No matter what has tried to reach my inner joy, at the end of the day my happy pajamas lift my spirits and return me to peace. (Of course if you watch Law and Order: Criminal Intent after you put on your happy pajamas, your joy is in danger again. But I digress.)

I love message pajamas: High Maintenance, Relax (a very comfortable sleeping cat,) One of a Kind, Use Your Head.

I also enjoy animal print, particularly leopard and giraffe.

There are occasions when I feel like donning my Paris-themed, frogs, or dreamy clouds pjs, and even a few solid colors. I have one no-nonsense pair of gray pjs that I bought in the men’s dept. I feel like Kathryn Hepburn when I wear those.

In case you were thinking this is a crazy idea at all, check this out. Folks in Shanghai have been wearing themed pajamas in public for years because they are just so darn comfortable. But with the World Expo 2010 approaching, officials want to crack down on this practice.

If you can figure out a strategy that successfully lifts your mood, you can get pull yourself out of the doldrums before you get too comfortable there.

What lifts your mood?

Who is Starring in Your Reality Show?

Minto Cato--Black theatrical actress 1920's-1940's by The Nite Tripper fr flickr

Minto Cato--theatrical actress 1920's-1940's by The Nite Tripper fr flickr

The TV shows we now call reality TV have a long history. Alan Funt’s 1948 TV series Candid Camera is thought to be the first in the US to show us the “real” reaction of real people. Following that was Truth or Consequences in 1950 with its hidden cameras.

Since then we have gone through many shows that took us outside TV studios to ride alongside real cops, catch real criminals, and watch how people will navigate through life-challenging situations to survive primitive or frontier environments.

Why we are so fascinated with these shows is a question that could keep psycholgists and sociologists busy speculating for years. One thing is for sure. When we are deeply engaged in these reality shows we are not fully engaged with our own reality show.

Each of you is living your own reality show, and have many tasks to make your show run smoothly. You must write and perform your script almost simultaenously as you interact with the other “actors” in your life as well as direct the production. If you are starring in your show that means that your goals and needs are being met. The extent to which you realize that you have control over your own reality show is the extent to which you will enjoy happiness and fulfillment in your life.

While the TV reality shows, like any other dramas, movies or books, may give you hints that will help you live your life more joyfully, at some point you must turn off the TV, leave the theater, close the book. If you are not starring in your own reality show, chances are you are playing a supporting role to someone else.

Take a look at your own reality show and decide if you like the way it is going. If not, rewrite the script, change the scenery, bring in new actors and direct the action to your liking. You are the star of your show. Make it a hit.