Want to be Happier? Connect with Your Family

Farmer'sMarket--7-10-10As we gathered to celebrate our family reunion this weekend, I noticed the interactions as the family arrived. We had food prepared, t-shirts, amenity bags and games. Everyone was looking forward to our bus tour and banquet. But the thing that drew everyone the most was the wall sized family tree chart that my son, Herbert, created.

Our family could trace ourselves back to two brothers who were born in Texas in the late 1800’s. It was our ability to pinpoint our origins and see the connecting points that deepened our bond.

Weeks before the reunion I called various family to see if they would attend. The common response from those who had no plans to attend was, “I don’t know any of those folks.”

“That’s the purpose of the reunion,” I pointed out.

Family flew and drove in from four states and yet some who lived within a short distance of the celebration didn’t see the value in attending. They clearly shortchanged themselves.

Researchers have discovered that people who describe themselves as happy have strong relationships with family and friends.

We connect with our loved ones not because they are perfect or share all of our interests. Every family has positive and negative dynamics that have contributed to the way we have become. Shake any family tree and skeletons, hurt feelings, jealousy and unresolved issues will fall out. And yet, connecting with family is still important.

While a family reunion isn’t the time to resolve old issues or erase hurt feelings, avoiding family will only serve to keep these painful issues buried inside you where they are destined to keep inflicting pain.

When we connect with our family it can give us insights that help us to better understand ourselves. Recognizing the difficult times our ancestors endured and how those experiences shaped their lives and their parenting can be helpful in giving us understanding, compassion, strength, resilience and coping skills.

I enjoyed hearing about my mother from her cousins who remembered her as a girl and shared stories of the times they spent together.

I also enjoyed watching my grandchildren run their fingers across the family tree chart and pinpoint where they came in, as well as well meet many relatives for the first time.

Even families who have only a few members or adults who only know their adopted families, connecting with each other is very important to rekindle old bonds, be reminded that you have an anchor and be able to establish ties that have been broken by distance and time.

Family reunions are also a great leveling time when family of all different income and achievement levels gain perspective on the love, hope and perseverance that we all share.

Family connections are not limited to blood relationships. There is strength in discovering your heritage in whatever form it exists.

To increase your happiness, connect with your family where you can transmit your experiences and values, as well as absorb and pass on pride from generation to generation.

Practical Success Tips: Five Erroneous Beliefs That Are Blocking You From Achieving Your Goals

p_043A key part of achieving your goals is planning. Maybe your goal requires some extensive planning, but there is a point at which planning becomes procrastination. If you examine why you are procrastinating, you may discover that you are afraid of the unknown. We all are. So don’t let that stop you.

Or you may be procrastinating because you don’t really want this goal anymore. And that’s a good thing to discover.

Now you can set a new goal, but don’t spend time in the planning stage for too long. There are five erroneous beliefs that may be blocking you from achieving your goals.

1. You need lots more knowledge.

Having knowledge and skills before starting a project are admirable, but you cannot wait until you know all there is to know about the subject before you begin. Much that we need to know is gained along the way as we work toward a goal.

2. You need lots more money.

There are successful entrepreneurs who can attest to the fact that they began toward their goals with very little money. Some raised startup money by taking on extra jobs, saving, reducing spending and partnering with like-minded colleagues.

Start with whatever money you have to begin stepping toward your goal. As you enjoy small successes you will also increase your capital and know-how.

3. You must wait for just the right circumstances

There are no perfect circumstances.

4. The timing must be perfect.

There is no perfect timing.

5. You must wait until you feel completely confident.

Delaying to get started toward a goal actually erodes your confidence. It’s working toward and achieving your goal that builds confidence, not the other way around.

If deep in your gut you want this goal so badly that you can taste it, procrastinate no longer. Jump in. Success and achievement await you.

Want to Be Happier? Embrace Art

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When we think of being happy we may not think that art plays a role. It’s likely that each of us even has different ideas about what makes something art.

But we didn’t always wonder about this. Leave any child on their own for a minutes and it’s likely they will rearrange toys, make configurations out of spilled food, draw circles in the dirt or stack objects as high as they can. They even find practical uses for items we considered only decorative. They clearly enjoy creating and participating in art.

Much of what we call art today wasn’t even created as art by its originators.

While visiting a museum exhibit of bygone civilizations, for example, we often see practical items that were created for cooking, eating, and furniture. And yet, we label them art because they are unique curiosities and now decorative items for us.

One of the contestants in Oprah’s OWN reality show competition tackles this issue of what makes up art and hopes her pitch will be selected so she can share an expanded view of the world of art with us all.

Erica A. Wall, a museum educator, said the following to introduce her pitch. See her pitch for her show “That’s Art?!” here

I’m going to get America excited about art! If you’ve never been one who was into art, you soon will be! If you’ve ever looked at a work of art and thought a child could do it, then this is the show for you. We are going to bust the art world wide open and explore its glamour, its dynamics, its surprises and its quirkiness. We are going to ask and answer some age-old questions like, why does some art sell for millions? What makes a work of art a masterpiece? Why is some art considered fine art and other art is not? And of course, what makes art, art, anyway? I’m also going to talk to people about art and see what kind of art the rich, famous and the not–so-rich and famous (but pretty unique) collect and create. I am going to show you just how much fun art can be and that you don’t have to like it but, you can learn how to appreciate it. There is something out there for everyone. NO ART HISTORY EXPERIENCE REQUIRED.

When I interviewed Erica on my radio show today, she shared her ideas for how art can make our lives richer and more joyful, ways that art venues can become more accessible and gave us ways to experience art on a daily basis.

Erica says there are five stages of looking at art:

  • observing to identify what’s there
  • assigning value/worth to it compared to other things
  • classifying it
  • interacting with it
  • returning to view it again as a friend
  • Enjoy the interview with Erica and you will discover that art is not separate from our lives, and from our happiness, but a part of it.

    Celebrate Color Your Life Happy Day on August 9th

    momMany of us begin the year making resolutions, but within a few weeks our promises to ourselves have been forgotten.

    A Wall Street Journal article shared plans some people made to help them stick to their resolutions. Some kept their goals small and achievable. Others asked friends to help them stay on track by holding them accountable. Others found success when they changed their environment to support their new behavior.

    Here we are at the start of the second half of the year. How did you do with your resolutions this year?

    Regardless of how you fared in this annual practice, here’s an opportunity to start anew.

    On August 9th join me in celebrating the first “Color Your Life Happy Day”, a day to participate in something you enjoy, some activity that will make you happy and others too. Then make a decision to make it a habit to continue finding joy, pleasure, a way to help others for the rest of the year.

    Happiness is not a destination, but the things we do along the way as we live our lives. At the end of their lives, many wish they had slowed down, worked less and spent more time enjoying family, friends and fun activities. Don’t let this be you. Regrets are a waste. Do the things that bring you joy and happiness everyday.

    This special celebration was inspired by the memory of my mother, Mildred S. Morris, who would have turned 100 years old on August 9, 2010 (she passed at age 92 in 2002.) She spent her life making people happy with her music. She played piano and organ from childhood through her mid 80’s for many churches, organizations and events. Everyone who ever heard her play was touched by her lively and fervent style.

    I invite you to join me in celebrating Color Your Life Happy Day on August 9th. Then between August 10th-15th send me a photo or video of how you celebrated to my email at [email protected]

    You may choose to enjoy a simple pleasure such as taking time off to read a neglected book. You may join the courageous who use this day to get control of the clutter that has been making them very unhappy.

    I’m thinking of creating a new vegetable garden or maybe I’ll do some long-neglected scrapbooking.

    So get busy thinking of how you will celebrate “Color Your Life Happy Day.” Then on August 9th take a picture showing how you celebrated. Email it to me at [email protected] with your name, activity, and city/state/country. I will post all entries on my blog and Facebook.

    I’m looking forward to the wonderful array of celebrations.

    Want to be Happier? Stop Struggling

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    This story of unknown origin has been made its rounds many times because it bears a powerful message.

    A man found a cocoon for a butterfly.

    One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole.

    Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no farther.

    Then the man decided to help the butterfly.

    He took a pair of scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily.

    Something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

    Neither happened.

    In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and deformed wings. It was never able to fly.

    What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the small opening of the cocoon are God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

    Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives.

    If God allowed us to go through all our life without any obstacles, that would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.

    Not only that, we could never fly.

    What is helpful to me from this story is the importance of accepting what we call struggle, and viewing it instead as part of the activity that leads to growth.

    When we view our challenges as struggle, we tighten physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and restrict the fluids of growth.

    Or, as parents when we step in to rescue our children from experiencing pain and conflict, we deny them the growth that solving their own challenges brings about.

    In a recent interview with Ali Bierman, psychotherapist and author, she said that our struggling and suffering result when we are separated from the Divine. She believes that to live in happiness you must discover and love your True Self – who you were at birth before caretakers and society implanted programs into your subconscious mind creating the false self of the ego world. Enjoy this interview and share what resonates from it for you.