Archives for August 2010

Want to Be Happier? Be Thankful for What You Have

It’s a common habit for us to want what we don’t have and want more of what we do? It’s the topic of our conversations, and it’s what advertisers count on to increase their profits.

And yet, when we get our last desire, we are still not satisfied.

When my oldest daughter was in elementary school, she wanted to have straight hair like one of her Anglo classmates. Her classmate’s mom disclosed to me that her daughter came home asking her to curl up and twist her hair like my daughter’s.

If we continue in this manner, always wanting what we don’t have, there’s a real danger that we won’t appreciate and enjoy what we do have. The tragedy of that is we miss out on our own happiness, sometimes working ourselves into an unfortunate unhappiness, depression, or disorder.

When I saw Nick Vijucic on the following video, I felt ashamed for ever having neglected to be grateful for all my blessings. I bet you’ll feel the same way when you watch it.

Filed Under: gratitude, Happiness Tagged With: creating happiness, gratitude, Making choices

Want Happier Relationships? Stop Waving and Start Holding Hands

By Flora Leave a Comment

From redjar.org from Flickr

On June 30th I attended the first Social Media Day celebration at the Orange County Register offices in Santa Ana, CA. This day was set in motion by blogger extraordinaire, Pete Cashmore and founder of Mashable.

The goal of Social Media Day as stated on Mashable:

. . .we acknowledge and celebrate the revolution of media becoming social. A day that honors the technological and societal advancements that have allowed us to have a dialogue, to connect and to engage not only the creators of media, but perhaps more importantly, one another.

It’s a day to celebrate the changes in media that have empowered us to stay connected to information in real time, the tools that have enabled us to communicate from miles apart, and the platforms that have given a voice to the voiceless and victims of protest injustice.

While I’m a big fan of social media and have enjoyed meeting so many friends from around the world through it, it’s important to not just meet people, but to connect. That’s not as likely to happen with thousands at one time, but it is possible to connect with one person at a time.

Meeting people and exchanging emails, Twitter handles and Facebook IDs, is like waving. Waving gets your attention and establishes the first point of contact.

Connecting on a deeper level is like holding hands and is much more satisfying and leads to happier relationships.

How do you move from waving to holding hands?

1. Learn about the other person.

Social media makes this very easy. Just check their Facebook wall and tweets. Follow the links to their websites and blogs, sign up for their newsletters and start to understand their activities, business endeavors and goals.

While some people favor keeping personal and business separated, there are benefits to discovering the family person behind a business or public persona. You will better appreciate their perspective on life when they disclose some of their family interactions, challenges and triumphs.

As you get to know more about the people you have met through social media and other means, you will discover some share your interests, some are very interesting and some send out a strong positive vibration.

2. Engage with the people who interest you.

When you resonate with the people you meet, respond to their posts and emails with your reactions and comments to their thoughts.

Going beyond that, actively share with them information, ideas, opportunities and sources you believe will interest them.

This morning, for example, I just sent links to sites that I thought would interest my friends who are involved in marketing their books. Almost everyday I share links, tips and resources that I believe would help or interest a friend.

3. Connect in person over time.

I’m a member of Couchsurfing.com that connects travelers and the communities they live in. When one of our members from India announced last year that he would be in the Pacific Northwest visiting his daughter, the members in that region planned a party to celebrate his visit.

I flew to Seattle, WA and joined about 30 other Couchsurfers from around the world to welcome him and get to know each other face to face after years of corresponding on message boards online. We not only had a pajama party complete with delicious food and a movie, but we extended our fun by sightseeing over the next few days in Seattle area.

You don’t have to travel across country or even across the state, of course, to connect with people. You can make lunch, museum or movie dates with folks you’ve met who live in your city. Even chatting by phone brings a closer connection.

Major chain restaurants and coffee shops encourage these meet-ups by making you feel comfortable to stay and chat. Since they have liberal hours, you can schedule a breakfast, lunch or evening get-together.

Your goal is to get together to share interests and experiences. That requires a lot of listening on your part and patience to attend to what you are learning.

I’m not advocating that you create a string of romantic relationships, although that’s your choice. I’m suggesting building strong, rich and happier personal and business relationships initiated by mutual interests, developed by quality engaged time and eventually cemented by trust and admiration.

So what are you waiting for?

Stop waving and start holding hands.

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: building relationhips, creating happier relationships, listening, social media, spending quality time

Want to Be Happier? Get a Pair of Rose-Colored Glasses

By Flora Leave a Comment

Photo by D Sharon Pruitt from Flickr

More than once, I’ve been accused of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses.

Seeing the world through rose-colored glasses means you have a positive outlook on life, even when circumstances don’t seem to warrant it. It frequently implies that the wearer of said glasses is gullible, even a Pollyanna type—which is contrary to the spirit intended in the book by Eleanor H. Porter, on which the term is based—a naive person who is overly optimistic, oblivious to the seriousness or danger in a situation.

What’s wrong with rose-colored glasses?

If we’re coloring our lives happy, then we should all keep a pair handy!

What’s wrong with being optimistic, with seeing the good in others and being able to visualize a good outcome? If we think about it, we’d realize there’s not much benefit in taking a negative view—also known as worrying. We’d realize that we stand to gain more by looking for the best in any situation or thinking ahead to a better time.

There’s a story about a man who, after breaking his leg, ended up in the hospital. He was miserable—convinced he was the victim of bad luck. But one of his nurses was a wonderful woman. They fell in love and later married. This convinced him that breaking his leg was a case of good luck, since it enabled him to meet his wife.

You can look at almost every situation in at least two ways. It’s best to find a way to view even bad situations in the most positive way you can muster, not because it will change the situation or outcome, but because it will change your attitude and increase your chances of survival, triumph and happiness.

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: creating happiness, positive outlook, rose-colored glasses

Can Faking it Bring You Happiness?

By Flora 5 Comments

mask We’ve been told that we can make ourselves happy and joyful by “faking” it until it becomes real.

A recent study published in Psychological Science found just the opposite to be true, at least when it comes to wearing fake designer sunglasses.

People wear fake designer items to build their self-esteem and appear affluent. This study showed that people wearing fake designer sunglasses not only feel less authentic but also influenced their judgment of other people’s unethical behavior.

The researchers, Gino, Norton, and Ariely, conducted four experiments in which participants wore purportedly fake or authentically branded sunglasses. The subjects who were wearing fake sunglasses cheated more across multiple tasks than those wearing authentic sunglasses, leading to the conclusion that the costs of counterfeits was deception.

Of course taking steps to make yourself feel happier is not quite the same as wearing fake sunglasses to give yourself status.

Those who support positive thinking believe that you can increase your happiness by repeating positive affirmations with conviction until you convince your own subconscious.

Positive psychology studies have found that there are many things we can do to increase our own happiness. Some of these are expressing gratitude, focusing on what is going on now rather than worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, and staying connected with supportive family and friends.

Then there are those in the mental health field who believe that repeating positive affirmations or focusing on the good in our lives, only delays us from confronting the imbalances that are causing us to be unhappy or depressed. They believe that our time would be better spent in receiving therapy or taking medication to correct the chemical imbalances.

Spiritual healers believe that our outer experience is determined by our inner beliefs, thoughts and vibrations. No matter what we do on the outside, we can’t fool our insides. They believe that everything is energy. Whatever we send out into the world in the form of energy is what we attract back to us. So, if we want to improve the outcomes in our lives we have to increase the energy vibrations we are sending out.

Throughout history we’ve been told we can alter our mood by putting on a happy face, singing in the rain and whistling in the dark.

Are we faking it when we are being proactive in creating and maintaining happiness?

What is your take on this?

Filed Under: gratitude, Happiness, happiness research, key to happiness Tagged With: faking happiness, gratitude, Positive affirmations, positive thoughts

Three Ways You May Be Blocking Your Happiness

By Flora 4 Comments

yosemite_falls No one would knowingly block her happiness, and yet we do so frequently because we don’t realize the connection between some of our actions and our happiness.

There are three ways you may be blocking your happiness.

1. Looking outside of yourself for solutions

When you get a headache you probably seek out an aspirin or other pain reliever. Most of us do, and we are even advised to do so by doctors.

But solutions to our problems must be solved from within where they began. When we are experiencing problems they are most likely connected to our beliefs, which lead us to behave a certain way.

By taking responsibility for our problems we are able to solve them. When we blame others or outside circumstances for our problems, we are giving the power to fix them over to someone else.

2. Keeping too busy

Do you know someone who works two or three jobs, takes classes, has an active social life and attends church, all while chauffering their children to school and the children’s activities as well?

Keeping so busy that you allow no time for being quiet, reflecting, or meditating is guaranteed to lead you to overwhelm, a breakdown or definitely negligence of issues you need to confront.

Busyness can just cover up the fact that you may not be paying attention to deeper needs which can lead to stress.

Having an active life contributes to your happiness as long as you balance your activities with moments of quiet, allowing a chance for you to reflect and listen to your intuition.

3. Ignoring warning signs

When we took our children to Yosemite Park many years ago, we enjoyed the many wonders of nature on walks, boat rides and horseback rides. At one of the smaller waterfalls visitors could get close to enjoy the cool breeze and sprinkles made by the water crashing against the rocks. But there was a prominent sign warning visitors not to climb on the rocks under the fall.

You can guess it. Kids and young adults were gleefully splashing in the very area we were warned about, without any regard for the sign.

Fortunately, no tragedies occurred while we were there, but it reminded me of how often we ignore warning signs in life and are surprised at the unwanted outcomes.

Happiness grows from within and is fostered by taking responsibility for your beliefs and actions.

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: creating happiness, Making choices, taking responsibility