Archives for March 2010

How to Cultivate Happiness: Get Rid of the Weeds in Your Life

Working dog by meg price on flickr

Working dog by meg price on flickr

Weeds are a type of plant that appear in even the best of gardens. A whole industry of tools, techniques and herbicides has been created to get rid of them. Why are the grass and plants we call weeds so unwelcomed?

Weeds are the dreaded enemy of beautiful gardens because they compete with your garden for water and nutrients. Likewise, the weeds in your life must go because they sap your energy and block the intake of positive thoughts and action toward your goals.

What are some of these weeds?

1. Some weeds were born into your life through no fault of your own. They are better known as family. Some family members are wonderfully nurturing and a joy to have in your life. Others are toxic, negative, choking the life out of your goals and positive action. You know the ones I mean. They are the ones who leave a heavy cloud of doubt, depression and sorrow even after they are no longer physically present.

2. Some weeds you brought into your life. These are better known as friends, spouses and children. While we all would love to be able to share our dreams and goals with these people closest to us, it’s not always the wisest thing to do. Be selective about sharing your dreams with those who don’t have your best interest at heart. Even though they may have good intentions, watching you go after your passion makes them afraid for your safety and ashamed of their own lack of action. If you let them project their fears and insecurities on you, your progress toward the life that makes you happy will be slowed if not stopped.

3. Some weeds come into your life based on circumstances and situations. These are better known as neighbors, coworkers, and members of clubs and associations. When you were hired by your company or when you joined a given church or club, folks were already there. Some of these people will share your interests and become close friends and partners. Others may feel threatened by your positive actions and work to sabotage you.

How do you remove these weeds from your life?

Minimizing contact is the first step to reduce exposure to the life-sapping efforts of people out to diminish your worth and devalue your goals. When on a job, for example, you choose carefully the people with whom you will have lunch or take breaks.

There are some, of course, from whom you must sever ties as soon as you are aware of the damage they are causing. When you are in any relationship where you sustain physical, emotional or psychological violence, your life and well being depend on removing yourself as soon as possible to safety.

Preventing future weeds from entering and taking over your beautiful and thriving life is the next step. Now that you can recognize them, you can act quickly to keep them from getting a foothold in your life.

Finally, be on guard against inviting and entertaining your own internal weeds in the form of negative thinking and self-destructive habits.

As you practice more positive thoughts, follow your passion and pursue your goals be prepared for the efforts of the weeds to return. It’s their nature to go where they can get nourishment. Now that you are set on cultivating happiness, you must absolutely deny their presence in your life.

But don’t worry about them, they are a hardy and determined breed. They will soon find new, unsuspecting hosts nearby.

How to Cultivate Happiness: Plant the Right Seeds

seedlingOnce our recent rain let up, I went to my favorite nursery to get some new flowers and potted palms to bring Spring to my patio. While I was there I took a look at the tomatoes and fruit to decide what else I would plant.

When I plant the tomatoes I fully expect to get tomatoes, not grapes, not peaches, not peppers.

It’s not hard to understand that whatever we plant in the soil is exactly what will bloom. It’s a simple and acceptable idea.

And yet, in the way we live our lives we act as if some other rule applies.

We plant negative talk in our heads, and then wonder why we get negative results.

We hang around people who complain and gossip, and wonder why we experience disappointing results in our lives.

Our minds are even more fertile than the soil. Our subconscious is a powerful thing. It has no choice but to move us toward whatever we put there.

The idea that positive thoughts and positive talk move us toward positive results is not the platitudes of positive thinking gurus. It’s fact.

On my radio show today, my guest Chris Gloss, motivational coach better known as the Possibilitarian, said that our words are the arrows that we send ahead of us. You can probably think of a time when you said of someone you know “He’s a pain in the neck,” and you did indeed experience neck pain.

Or after you experienced a letdown you said, “I knew that would happen.”

Whether we speak the words or think them, we are planting ideas and thoughts in our heads.

Is there any doubt what you need to do next?

Whether you believe me or not doesn’t matter. Just look around what’s going on in your life. If you don’t like what you see, change what you plant.

Plant what you want to grow in your life.