self-acceptance Archives - Color Your Life Happy

Going Through v.s. Going Around

vicandjazzy2 In her blog yesterday, Being Joy-Being Enough, blogger Joy Tanksley so generously shared about her day. It started off upbeat but took a downward turn when she let a negative comment about her introductory video dampen her spirits and almost ruin her day.

I set out to encourage Joy by leaving a short comment, but as I wrote, an article spilled out. From Joy’s experience I got reaffirmation of the importance of going through painful feelings rather than trying to go around them, so I’m sharing the full comment I left on her blog.

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Hi Joy,

I applaud you for sharing your feelings with us because we all struggle with dips in mood and confidence when we receive outside criticism. The saddest part is that it works to unearth our self-criticism often harking back to past memories such as you mention about your cheerleader days.

When we share your story it helps us get in better touch with ours.

You were so wise to have stayed with your painful feelings by crying, reflecting and analyzing. We are often too quick to stuff our pain and cover it over with temporary feel-good. Look at how it empowered you and now your readers for you to have “gone through” rather than “gone around”.

I love your spirit and energy, and especially am happy that you decided to bypass perfection and take positive action instead. The best part about blogging is the opportunity it gives us to share our magnificence with the world without having to convince an executive board or creative team that we are worthy. Many people are waiting to hear the uplifting message that you and other life coaches share. You are helping to heal and empower the world in a way that’s never been possible in history until now.

The harsh criticism from this troubled stranger hurt at first because you’re human, but look at the lesson that you learned from it that you now share with us who need to hear it also. Anyone and anything that tries to convince us that we are not ok, that we’re not enough is lying. We each came to the world to share a special gift. Like each lily in the field we are different, but beautiful and powerful in our own way.

I’m guilty of starting my day on a high sometimes, and then letting someone’s off comment or my own self-criticism dampen my spirits and send me spiraling into ugly guilt or shame. Because I grew up with such strong insistence from my parents and elders that I be a “big girl” and “toughen things out”, it’s not easy for me to cry. When I do, however, I benefit tremendously. I think of tears as windshield washer that clears the windows of our soul, enabling us to see what was blocked by layers of muck.

Of course your video is perfect for connecting with your clients, not everyone in the world, but your rightful and perfect-for-you clients.

Keep dancing and being joyful and helping us do the same. It is your mission. Thank you for accepting it.

Blessings,

Flora

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I hope you now agree that going through painful feelings when they crop up (and they will,) is better than trying to go around them. After all, when we go through there is a clearing on the other side full of hope, joy and renewed energy.

Filed Under: Claiming your joy, handling adversity, Happiness, helping others, self-discovery, self-worth Tagged With: self-acceptance, self-worth

Be the First

By Flora 2 Comments

Dirtee Hollywood's Molly Crabapple Collection Launch Night at Fred Segal on Melrose Los Angeles

When I set up a fan page on Facebook there was a tip suggesting I be the first to sign up for my fan club. Good thing they posted that suggestion because I didn’t immediately think of that. And yet, if I want others to join me it makes sense that I need to be in front. It made me think of other situations in our lives where being the first has benefits.

Be your own first fan when

1. You’re looking for a new relationship

Looking for love? It’s critical that you love yourself first. You’ve heard it before, but it bears repeating since you may find it elusive.

No one is drawn to desperate, depressed and lonely people. So, if you want to attract a vibrant love you must be vibrant.

Treat yourself well, whether it’s eating food that is good for you, taking breaks from work and going out to entertainment you enjoy. You don’t have to wait for the right partner to come along in order for you to do any of these things.

When I want to see a play, musical or movie, I will go alone if none of my friends are available or interested. It’s a different but fun experience. It’s so much easier to find one seat, even at the last minute.

Since self-talk is constant in all of us, make yours positive. Quiet that inner critic who wants to remind you of your mistakes and flaws, and turn up the volume on your intuition, the voice that praises and guides you to positive thoughts and action.

2. You’re looking for a new job

Approach job-hunting as a match between your skills and strengths and the opportunities to use these in a job or project.

Take an honest assessment of your strengths and determine which skills you need build up or add.

When I applied for a teaching position over twenty years ago, computer skills were preferred. Now most job descriptions say computer competency required.

If you are returning to the job market after an absence of ten years, it’s for sure you will need to strengthen your computer skills. You may have left a job to raise your family, or been on the same job doing the same skills with which you began decades before.

Or maybe you operated a successful business relying on a set of loyal customers that are now beginning to dwindle.

No matter what your position in your next job, chances are you will be expected to be competent in at least word processing, creating worksheets, scheduling, and perhaps even in using social media to market and promote your company. Add to that the fact that retail relies on advanced computer programs for ringing up sales and telephone communication.

Take the classes and training that will fill the gaps in your skills and make you the ideal candidate for the jobs you seek.

3. You’re starting a business

If your first thought when going into business is how much money you’ll make, you’re making a big mistake. Even though earning profits is a key expectation, you must begin with a focus on the product or service you will provide your customers.

Select a product or service about which you are passionate.

I recall picking up my clothes from the cleaners once and hearing the owner on the telephone complaining about how much he hated the cleaning business. That was the last time I used his company.

If you sell a product, you should be your best customer. It seems obvious, but how can you convince others to buy your coffee, makeup, or line of clothing if you don’t believe it in it first.

So take a look at your life to discover what endeavors you are pursuing. Then ask yourself if you are your first fan. If not, it’s time to reconsider your endeavor and revise your goals.

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: love yourself first, self-acceptance, self-worth

Tool for Happiness: Accept Yourself

By Flora Leave a Comment

Young Girl Playing By Herself --- Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

No matter how much advice there is on discovering happiness, you will have to define what it means to you. It is helpful, however, to learn what other happy people have found works for them. One practice common in happy people is self-acceptance.

Here are five steps to accepting yourself.

1. Face your limitations and then do something about the ones you can

We were all born with certain genetic makeup and dispositions. Keeping in mind the things over which we have control will expedite our happiness and success. This doesn’t mean you can’ t make changes and improvements in your life, but it does mean that you have to work within your capabilities.

Some of our limitations can be pushed back.

If I decided to run a marathon, I would run into my physical limitations quickly. I’m over my ideal weight, not particularly fit, and certainly don’t have the training, stamina and practice to sustain a long run. To try to run a marathon under these conditions would doom me to physical injury, pain and maybe death.

On the other hand, if I wanted to run a marathon and was willing to commit to the diet, preparation, training and practice required to safely complete the race, I have no doubt that I would be able to complete a marathon. Perhaps I would not win, but I would be able to complete it.

Take a hard look at the things you consider your limitations to see which ones have shallow roots. Then make plans to do what it takes to push past those in your pursuit of your goals.

Going beyond what you once considered limitations will give you a huge dose of confidence, inspiration and self-acceptance.

2. Do what you love

This phrase is often completed with “and the money will follow.” But I’m not talking about earning money in this instance.

You must do what you love in order to build your self-respect and self-acceptance. When you are spending a third or more of your life on a job you hate, yielding to someone’s will, helping someone build their business while neglecting your dream you erode your own feelings of worth.

If your job pays great money but it doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, you must make a plan to escape to one that does. It make take a while to make this transition, but just getting started will begin to increase your self-love right away.

3. Silence your inner critic

As soon as you begin a new venture or set out for a goal you can count on your inner critic to step up with objections, cautions and criticisms. It’s important to acknowledge your inner critic, but send her back to her corner.

Your inner critic’s job is to keep you from taking risks and hurting yourself. But to do this she reminds you of all your failures, shortcomings, and does her negative best to keep us from moving forward. Left unattended, she will have you believing that you are completely incapable and inept. As a matter of fact, she will paralyze you from taking action.

You can’t kill your inner critic, but you can disarm her whenever she appears. Her words distort the truth of who you are so you can’t left your self-worth be defined by her and your work toward your goals be dictated by her.

4. Pat yourself on the back

When I was growing up we were discouraged from talking about our own accomplishments. My parents feared that it would make us boastful, shallow and distasteful people. They were misinformed.

Congratulate yourself when you complete a goal. Celebrate when you reach a milestone, even small ones. These moments of acknowledging your achievements bolster your self-esteem.

5. Give up the quest for perfection

I recently told a client that she must resist the urge to try to edit and write at the same time if she hopes to finish her book. She was amazed that I advised her not to read the previous chapter before starting the new one.

If you reread your previous writing before continuing, it is near impossible to resist the urge to edit and rewrite.

Once the rough draft book is completed you may go back through the book to begin editing and smoothing out the rough edges. But trying to edit and write at the same time is like trying to ice and bake it at the same time.

Trying to fashion a perfect life is futile as well. You must live your life knowing that making mistakes is part of living. When you learn from the mistakes it’s very beneficial, but you will make new ones. Treat mistakes and setbacks as lessons.

As you grow and develop your skills you get better at what you do. Becoming comfortable with your own imperfection ensures your happiness.

When you accept yourself, you won’t waste time on trying to please others, looking to them for validation or swayed by the fickle judgments of others. And best of all, you will be better prepared for happiness and success on your own terms.