Valentine's Day Has a Troubling Side

woman on beach resizedHere’s hoping that you have a great Valentine’s Day full of love and affection. Unfortunately, there are some for whom Valentine’s Day is not a happy day at all.

In one newsletter by Joan Stewart, the Publicity Hound, two troubling concerns are associated with Valentine’s. First there are the wives and children who are victims of violence and abuse for whom Valentine’s Day is just another day of fear, dread and anxiety. Sheryl Cates, Executive Director of the National Domestic Violence Hotline reminds us in a Dear Abby column that these victims were hurt by people who said they loved them.

Then there are the cheaters who get caught on Valentine’s Day because they have to show up for both their lovers and spouses too. A Wall Street Journal article points out that this is why Valentine’s Day is a banner day for private investigators.

Most people don’t associate infidelity with Valentine’s Day, but it is such a sure bet that cheaters will be caught bearing gifts to the “other” person that this year will be the 8th Annual Valentine’s Day Infidelity Awareness Campaign. This campaign was started by Ruth Houston, Infidelity Columnist for Examiner.com. Her goal is to heighten public awareness of the connection between Valentine’s Day and infidelity, to call media attention to this seldom-discussed side of Valentine’s Day and to alert suspicious lovers that Valentine’s Day is the best time to get tangible proof of a cheating lover.

Out of this cheating sometimes grows enterprise. One writer was so upset at catching her husband cheating on Valentine’s Day that she started a website, www.revengelady.com to give advice on revenge, she says, so that you can bring happiness and humor back to your life.

Old-fashioned investigative techniques have been joined by high tech tools that help nail cheaters. The $199 Spark Nano Real-Time GPS Tracking Device is a 3-inch gadget that can easily be hidden in a car and broadcasts its location to a system that is accessible through the Web.

The pricier tool, the $497.50 Spy Matrix Pro, is a popular GPS for folks who worry about cheating spouses. Retailers of high tech tracking tools such as this report a spike in sales around Valentine’s Day.

Some cheaters fail to realize the long memories and far reach of social media and make catching them just too easy. When New York Republican Congressman, Christopher Lee, recently sought to hook up with a woman on Craigslist, he not only lied to her about his marital status and job, but he even sent a shirtless photo of himself. After doing a little research on him (apparently he failed to lie about his name) she learned not only that he was a sitting Congressman, but that he was very married with one child. The story spread across the media with lightening speed and lead Lee to resign within hours after it hit the news.

The syndicated reality TV show, Cheaters, that supposedly investigates and confronts cheating mates has been accused of being scripted. After a number of participants revealed that they were paid to help stage confrontations and even the stabbing of the host, we have discovered that this show, alas, has cheated.

With the overwhelming emphasis and money spent on Valentine’s Day, many have decided to attach less significance to the day. Many without mates choose to enjoy time with friends and family rather than pine over lost loves or long for the perfect mate.

The most troubling part of Valentine’s Day is that it’s the least romantic day of the year since so many commemorate it with chocolate and flowers out of obligation rather than celebration of love.

Love is kind. Love shouldn’t hurt.

“Love doesn’t make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Elizabeth Browning

“Love is friendship set on fire.” – unknown

“To laugh often and love much… to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one’s self… this is to have succeeded.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best place to start seeking love is to love yourself. Then express your love and appreciation in words and deeds for those around you everyday, not try to heap it all on a day urged upon you by retailers. You can still celebrate Valentine’s Day, of course, but in your own creative way with people with whom you share genuine and requited love all year long.

What are You Thankful For?

Hey http://www.aweber.com, here’s what I’m thankful for in my business in 2010.

Hey http://www.aweber.com, here’s what I’m thankful for in my business in 2010.

We can so easily slip into longing for what we don’t have, neglecting to notice the riches we enjoy. I hear people around me complaining about the smallest things while partaking of luscious meals, traveling freely to places they want to go and passing displays of Nature’s magnificence everyday.

“I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet.”

This Indian quote always pulls me back from taking my blessings for granted.

I made a promise to myself this year to start each day being thankful.

And so each morning when my feet hit the floor I say” Thank you God for this is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” It’s a slight variation on the scripture, but I don’t think that diminishes its power.

Starting my day in this way helps me keep uppermost in my mind the tremendous number of things around me that I could so easily take for granted.

When Justin Premick of Aweber, set up a social experiment asking his readers to post a photo holding up a sign about what we are thankful for in our businesses, I jumped at it.

We were to take a photo holding up a sign that says “I’m thankful for. . .” and list the things we were most grateful for in our businesses.

I listed health first because it is my physical and mental well-being that allow me the energy, flexibility and stamina to create and conduct my business. I don’t take my health for granted.

Then I listed family and friends next because they create the context from which I run my business.

And finally, I’m thankful for my clients who seek, value and willingly pay for receiving my products and services.

Take a look at the video in this post and reflect on what you’re thankful for as we enter this holiday season.

Three Ways Pretty Papers and Stories Can Brighten Your Life

1355For those of us who remember the days before the Internet, it’s absolutely magical what you can learn and do on many places in cyberspace. When looking for ways to brighten your day, start with these three.

Count from 1 to 10

Sage advice has told us we can dispel anger and upset by counting to 10. That’s because it gives us time to reflect and pause before taking any hasty action.

But counting from 1 to 10 doesn’t have to be just a cure for upset, it can be way to reflect on the things in your life that bring you joy. This activity increases your joy and keeps you focused on the positive things in life.

As a member of A-List Blogging Club I encountered  a wonderfully refreshing and uplifting blog created by Shimelle, master at storytelling through scrapbooking.  Because of her success with growing her online courses, she was asked to submit a case study on the member site.

I was delighted to learn that Shimelle has been able to make a career out of following her passion, gently and consistently. This weekend on her blog she set up a challenge that goes like this:

Ready to count to ten or sing your ABCs? For the next scrapbooking challenge, you get to pick your poison: numbers or letters.

Create a page with a list that includes the numbers 1 to 10 (or more) or the letters A to Z. Journal ten things you love (or ten things that really frustrate you!) or make an alphabet-themed minibook or anything else you fancy with numbers or letters.

Upload your project and leave a link in the comments on this post to enter. See this post for details and deadlines for this weekend.

Those of you who know me know that I love challenges. (It’s amazing that I didn’t get into even more trouble growing up than I did every time I heard the words “I dare you!)

To learn more about Shimelle’s challenge, online courses and other fun activities, visit her at www.shimelle.com

Keep a simple journal

Happy people often report keeping a journal citing their events of the day, but especially things for which  they are grateful.

If you’ve longed to do this, but have trouble pulling yourself away from the computer to write in a journal, perhaps you would enjoy http://ohlife.com/, the website that makes it easy for you to write your life story. Check it out.

Help write a story

If you’ve always longed to write fiction, but have hesitated to get rolling, here is your chance.

Get over to www.talebait.com where writers and readers collaborate to create a continuous story. It’s free to participate, and the fishing metaphor upon which this site is created is just plain fun.

Sign up and you become an angler. Troll the hooks and storylines, Open Water and Captain’s Blog. To submit a story you cast a line. When you vote for the submitted hooks and storylines, called live bait, you weigh in. There are many story categories, so don’t wait any longer, dive in.

There you have it, three ways to lighten and brighten your life, free and easy. Have fun!

5 Ways to Be Happier That You Can Start Today

happygirlYou’ve heard it many times. Happiness is not a destination, but a journey along the way of life. What exactly must we do on this trip that results in happiness?

There are five ways to be happier that you can start today.

1. Eat right

Consult a room full of experts and you’ll never get agreement on what is “right” for us to eat. Most people think of healthy eating as a way to lose weight. That is certainly a worthy goal, but healthy eating is more important as a powerful connection to our happiness as well.

How so?

The food and beverages we consume are processed into various forms by the organs of our bodies. Our liver, for example, the largest organ in the body, has the important job of converting our food into useful substances we need for life and growth and neutralizing toxins and wastes.

The liver works fastest and best with real food. Processed and fake foods, loaded with chemicals and preservatives, make the liver work much harder than it should. It’s like asking one employee to do the work of two or more.

You don’t have to be a medical expert to know that overtaxing the liver can only lead to impairing and damaging it. When that happens, we can’t digest our food properly nor get rid of wastes in a timely manner. Even though the liver has the amazing ability to repair itself, there is a limit to how much it can repeat this.

I’m not recommending that you launch into a diet. Who wants to diet? It has the word “die” in it.

What I’m suggesting is that you pay attention to your body. It will tell you which foods and beverages are right for you.  Consult your medical adviser and resources to begin your search for what’s right for your body.

Start slow. Change one thing. Replace one “not-so-good” food choice with a better choice.

Practice portion control. Instead of letting your eyes be your guide, use the amount of food that will fill the palm of your hand instead.

Eat a rainbow each day. That is, choose fruits and vegetables of different colors.

When you discover the combinations of food that are best for your body you will notice that you have more energy, sleep better and best of all, your mood and spirit will be uplifted.  When you eat right, you feel good, and that contributes a big part to your happiness.

2. Get some exercise

You can consult fitness experts, charts and programs to get suggestions, but the best source is your body and mind.

When I was working on my book, Color Your Life Happy, after hours of writing I would sometimes hit a wall. I couldn’t think anymore and my body was craving activity. I would leave the house for at least a walk around the block. I found it helpful to start the morning with at least 20 minutes working with an exercise video and later expanded into daily one hours walks with a neighbor.

If you are blessed to have physical mobility, move your body in whatever exercise seems right and safe for you. Many everyday activities such as housework, walking the stairs to get to your office, parking further away from the entrance to the mall can all contribute to your physical activity.

To get excellent advice, tips, cool tools, recipes, community support, as well as fitness, weigh-in and nutrition trackers, join the free website Spark People, your companion for a healthy lifestyle. There is encouragement and guidance for everyone, plus incentives to keep you motivated.

In a recent article on Spark People, Dodge the Exercise Roller Coaster, Mike Kramer says

You can stay off the coaster and get into consistency. All it takes is a little planning–and a lot of fun. The key is to build an exercise program that’s not stale, boring or disruptive. Now–while you still have momentum–is the perfect time to set up some smart, convenient systems and motivating reminders.

Here are three things Mike recommends:

  • combining exercise with other goals such as exercising during commercials or while watching a TV movie
  • taking exercise out of the gym by gardening or having a walking meeting
  • creating an in-home 20 minutes a day workout
  • What does exercise have to do with happiness?

    You know the drugs that doctors prescribe for depression and anxiety?

    Your body makes those chemicals naturally when you exercise, but without the side effects.

    Add to that deep-breathing and meditation and you have just discovered your own mood-enhancers available to you any time you want.

    3. Connect with a higher power

    People who describe themselves as happy report that they believe in a higher power, a higher source.  There are many names given to this higher power and while organized religion claims to have a special connection to this power, I’m referring to a spiritual connection that is  available to all and is our source of intuition, creativity, insight, and hope.

    When we tap into this spiritual connection daily we receive assurance that the workaday concerns that present themselves to us can be resolved. This comforts us and enables us to move through life without being undone by the ups and downs that we all encounter.

    How do you access your spiritual source?

    Quieting your mind and thoughts is the simplest way to get started. If you’ve never tried to sit still for ten minutes without thinking of anything, you’ll be surprised at first at how challenging it is. It takes practice to accomplish this. But it’s worth the practice because you’ll find that meditating can be very beneficial.

    Extending quiet time into meditation brings not only comfort, but also sparks creativity and reveals solutions that elude you during your busy activities.

    Prayer works for many people throughout the world. Some pray to the deity of their religion; others pray to the Universe, the Universal Mind or a Higher Power.

    Tapping your spiritual source is powerful because you’re acknowledging there is a power greater than you in this universe and you’re recognizing your connection to it.

    Many people attend religious or spiritual services regularly as a way to stay in touch with their spiritual source, while also connecting with others who share their beliefs.

    Some people find help in communing with nature on walks, runs and retreats. One author created a sanctuary in his backyard where he could go to be still and meditate. But you don’t have to build anything if you don’t want to—many man-made and natural sanctuaries already exist for your use.

    Some find solace in Nature, others in beautiful music and dance.

    Music is called the universal language because it has the power to speak to all of us—regardless of our native tongue. It can lift us to unheard-of heights and some say it is the only language that can reach the traumatized and brain-damaged.

    Beautiful music seems to flow through the fingers of a skilled pianist out onto the piano, creating visceral excitement; at other times it calms us, brings tears or bridges barriers across nations.

    Art is another path to spirituality. Michelangelo’s passion for creating sculpture was deep and profound. He saw himself not as creating art, but rather as releasing a human form trapped in the marble. His famous David, though created in 1501 when Michelangelo was only twenty-six, still has the power to mesmerize those fortunate enough to view it in person.

    Once you’re in tune with your spiritual source, you’ll discover it’s not just a ritual, it’s a welcome part of your life. Spirituality even helps out with mundane challenges such as finding a parking space or finding those lost glasses or keys. Being in tune with your spirituality relieves stress and brings solutions.

    4. Pursue your passion

    If you’ve ever watched a dancer, singer, or craftsman performing with passion, you can remember how they get so lost in joy of doing what they love that the audience seemed to disappear to them.

    By contrast, people who hate their jobs, look forward to Mondays with dread and sometimes develop physical symptoms as well because they are not living their passion, but are torturing themselves in exchange for a paycheck.

    Pursuing your passion ensures you joy, not because it always makes you lots of money, but because it gives you a deep contentment and fulfillment that money cannot buy.

    Teaching is one of my passions. Sharing information, encouraging, and helping others see their own brilliance gives me so much joy that I get a tingle in the back of my neck when I see that they get it.  I’ve taught all of my life with and without pay.

    Find your passion by asking yourself what you enjoy so much that you would do it for free. What puts a smile on your face? What brings out your creativity and absorbs your attention for so long that hours pass before you know it?

    Is there something inside you that you are burning to do?  Is there something you just must try it even if others don’t see the benefit or payoff? You aren’t even concerned so much with failure, but with having never tried it.

    What things to you talk to your friends about when you swap daydreams? Ask your friends to share what they think is your passion based on what you talk about.

    Perhaps there is something you find so easy that you can’t believe that others can’t get it.

    Finding your passion doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve found your life purpose.  And your passion may not be your source of income. That is something else.

    I’m not recommending that you drop your day job just yet to pursue your passion as a career, although that may be what you ultimately decide to do. There is nothing noble about starving or being homeless.

    What I am urging you to do is to tap into your passion. Find that something that makes your heart sing, that fills you up with joy and contentment.  When you find and enjoy your passion, many annoyances of the world will pass by you unnoticed or as minor occurrences.

    When you find your passion you will no longer be willing to tolerate a job you don’t enjoy, but will be attracted to one that celebrates you.

    When you find your passion you will no longer be willing to accept less than good treatment from those around you.

    Finding your passion makes embracing happiness easy.

    5. Express gratitude

    Saying thank you to others, yourself and God is one of the deepest and profound ways to open yourself to happiness.

    Express gratitude out loud, in writing, and mentally not only for the good things you’ve experienced, but also for the bad.

    Yes, the bad things have shaped our lives as much or more so than the good so we must be thankful for them as well.

    For example, I am very thankful that I didn’t get hired by the first community college to which I applied many years ago. I was teaching at a university at the time and the hiring committee thought I wouldn’t be able to relate to their students.  Because I didn’t get this job I started my own tutoring program which I successfully operated for eight years.

    Another example.

    I am also very thankful to my youngest sister who when she got frustrated with me for getting too heavy-handed in helping her raise her kids told me one day, “Get your own damn kids!”

    Wow! She was right. I was single at the time and too distracted with meddling in her childrearing that I was not focused on my own personal life. Thanks to her I turned my attention to getting married and starting my own family.  And what fun I had with every phase of my children’s lives. My husband and I raised four beautiful children who are now adults, plus I have the world’s most gorgeous grandchildren.

    I sometimes pause to think how miserable my life could have become as the old-maid aunt offering too much advice and help to my nieces and nephews. By being thankful for the jolt from my sister that turned me around, I bear no hurt toward my sister and was able to move into being her caregiver when I was needed.

    I’m very grateful to my children for still loving me in spite of the mistakes, miscalculations and misunderstandings committed in the name of childrearing.

    Be grateful for the large and the small. Sometimes we rejoice over the large sums or money or opportunities, but we must rejoice over the small as well and it will increase.

    When my feet hit the floor each day I say “Thank you God” and  “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

    I also say “Thank you God” when I find my keys, lost glasses or a misplaced check.

    Finally, be thankful to your former selves that have brought you to this place and this life.

    I’m grateful to my elementary-school self who loved school and reading and immediately fell in love with her teachers and teaching.

    I’m also grateful to my college self who didn’t want to waste my mother’s money so I used my study time wisely.

    Gratitude keeps you in the positive mode, puts the so-called negative in perspective, and  draws more of what you really want. By being thankful for the bad you let go of resentment and hurt. By being thankful for the everyday and small you avoid taking for granted that which you once didn’t have and could so easily lose.

    By eating right, exercising, connecting with a higher power, pursuing your passion and expressing gratitude you are ensured of being unified with happiness.

    Want to Be Happier? Be Thankful for What You Have

    It’s a common habit for us to want what we don’t have and want more of what we do? It’s the topic of our conversations, and it’s what advertisers count on to increase their profits.

    And yet, when we get our last desire, we are still not satisfied.

    When my oldest daughter was in elementary school, she wanted to have straight hair like one of her Anglo classmates. Her classmate’s mom disclosed to me that her daughter came home asking her to curl up and twist her hair like my daughter’s.

    If we continue in this manner, always wanting what we don’t have, there’s a real danger that we won’t appreciate and enjoy what we do have. The tragedy of that is we miss out on our own happiness, sometimes working ourselves into an unfortunate unhappiness, depression, or disorder.

    When I saw Nick Vijucic on the following video, I felt ashamed for ever having neglected to be grateful for all my blessings. I bet you’ll feel the same way when you watch it.