Tool for Happiness: Take Responsibility for Your Life

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Popular comedian during the 70’s, Flip Wilson, became famous for saying “The Devil made me do it” to explain his behavior.

As we laughed at Flip, the rest of us may have wished that we could blame the Devil or someone else for our behavior too, but it does no good. No one makes us do anything. We choose.

When I got a call from a customer complaining about a flaw in my service once, I could hear the relief in her voice when I took full blame for the problem. I am sure she was braced for a fight, but accepting responsibility diffused her anger. Once I took responsibility for the problem I was able to apologize for the inconvenience she had experienced, and discover what I could do to resolve the problem.

Viktor Frankl, one of the most well-known Holocaust survivors, discovered after he was released from four years of horrible treatment in concentration camps that his wife, family and parents had all died in the camps.

Frankl learned that everything can be taken from a person except one thing–to choose your own attitude in any given set of circumstances. We cannot control others, only how we react to others.

To increase your happiness take responsibility for your own life. Circumstances around you will tug at you for your attention, time and money. The choices you make determine the direction and quality of your life.

How can you better take responsibility for your life?

1. Listen to the feedback you get from people you trust.

One holiday season I drove my grandkids through a neighborhood near me to see the beautiful Christmas light displays on the many homes. As we went around this cul-de-sac, my youngest grandson noticed that we were passing the same houses.

“Are you lost, Grandma?”

“No,” I quickly replied. “I know where I’m going.”

But as I made the third turn around past the same houses looking for the way out of the cul-de-sac, I had to confess to my grandson. “Anthony, you’re right. I am lost. But don’t worry, I’ll find the way out.”

Do you want to be right so badly that you block out good feedback and miss the opportunity to correct your behavior?

2. Give what you want to get.

I also call this “taking what you want to the potluck.”

If you want a party to be fun, you must take fun to the party. If you want to attract friendly people you must be friendly.

Whatever it is you want to receive you must be willing to give. That’s just the way it works.

If you don’t like what you’re getting, take a look at what you’re giving.

3. Stop blaming your parents, spouse or someone else for something that happened long ago.

None of us were responsible for the way we were raised or treated by others. But we are responsible for how we are treating ourselves in the present.

If we continue to live in reaction to the past, we will continue to get the same consequences from the past.

The moment you release the past and decide to live your life the way you want, that’s the moment you begin to get the life you want.

4. Be willing to take the consequences that go with taking responsibility.

As I was positioning my laptop on a table in Starbucks recently I knocked over a clay flower pot. It broke into pieces as it hit the floor.

I reported it to a nearby clerk and asked for a broom so I could pick it up. I was fully prepared to pay for it, if required.

Instead, the clerk said “No worries. Thank you so much for telling us about it. You’d be surprised how many people just try to hide the broken pieces and never tell us.”

Taking responsibility certainly has consequences, but there is no substitute for the good feeling that comes from resisting blame, making good choices, and giving what you want to get.