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The Top 5 Ingredients in a Happy Marriage, and Romance Isn't One of Them

When I saw this video of couples from a marriage ministry showing their love through dance at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, it made me consider what the top 5 ingredients in a happy marriage must be.

In our youth we mistakenly believe that romance is the cornerstone of a happy marriage, but it is just a small part of marriages that last.

There are five key ingredients in a happy marriage.

1. Two happy people.

When you enter any relationship as a whole and happy person, the chances of that relationship working are tremendously increased. No pressure is put on the other partner to “make” you happy. This is especially true in marriage where the relationship is based on deep intimacy and trust.

2. Shared values.

Two partners in a marriage may have varied interests, but they must share core values. When issues such as spiritual beliefs, desire for children, role expectations, sexual expectations and attitude toward money are not shared by both people in the partnership, constant tugging and dissension can tear the relationship apart.

3. Compatible life paths.

While partners in a marriage may have different life purposes, careers, and areas of expertise, they must be in agreement on the life path they will travel together.

4. Open communication and commitment.

No problem can last that is subjected to open communication and a commitment to resolution. A couple that can feel safe to discuss any and every issue is equipped to handle whatever comes up in the everyday ups and downs of living.

5. Genuine like and love between the two.

A happy couple enjoys each other’s company. They are comfortable with each other. When you observe them you can see that they not only love each other, but like each other as well.

What do you think? Do you have a different view of the top 5 ingredients in a happy marriage?

Can You Savor Your Sixties And Plan for Death at the Same Time?

Photo by everestyogatrek from flickr

Photo by everestyogatrek from flickr

I recently discovered an inspiring blog,  Savoring Your Sixties , by Bonnie McFarland. At the end of her free ebook, “Loving Your 60’s: 6 Tips to Start Now,” she asked readers to share their concerns. Here’s what I wrote.

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Hi Bonnie,

I just learned about your site and book recently and just finished the ebook.

I enjoyed it and plan to blog about it soon.

In the meantime, I want to respond to one of your questions about what is challenging in my sixties.  I have created a full, busy and satisfying life, although I’m always reading and exploring deeper.

The one thing I can’t seem to settle on is whether I want to be buried or cremated when I die.  When my mother died at age 92 she had prepaid for her funeral and burial decades before, and boy! did that make it a lot easier to carry out her funeral.

The only thing she didn’t specify or pay for were the flowers.

She had chosen the songs she wanted, but the people she had designated to sing at her funeral had all preceded her in death.

But still, she had done so much planning that the inevitable disagreements that would have ensued among me and my siblings were averted.

I would like to make it easy for my kids to take care of my remains.

On the one hand, I favor cremation and tossing the ashes somewhere because I don’t want them feeling guilty about not visiting my grave on Mother’s Day and all the other days that folks think you should  visit graves.

I wouldn’t want my ashes sitting on some mantle in an urn either. They eventually get knocked over and have to be swept up and tossed in the evening garbage anyway.

Besides, going to a funeral of someone who has been cremated is a snap for the well-wishers. No following that long procession of cars from the church to a cemetery that is always in another city, then making your way back to the church of home of the family to partake of the repast.

But burning seems so harsh.

On the other hand, burial doesn’t sound much better. Since I can only think of myself as live, I see burial as suffocation.

But then, paying for a casket and burial plot just doesn’t make as much sense as it used to. Cremation is definitely cheaper.

To complicate my decision, I love crime dramas. Every now and then a body that’s about to be cremated or embalmed is discovered to still be alive.  Yikes!

I could leave all these decisions to my four adult kids after I die, but they have trouble agreeing on almost everything. So, I feel compelled to make this decision myself, and soon.

What to do! What to do!

Blessings, Flora

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No matter what your age, have you planned your funeral or pondered how you want your body handled after death?