Pow! Sucker Punched by the Tiger Woods Halo Effect!

suckerpunchOne of the best responses to the public dethroning of Tiger Woods is an article by Richard Shweder in a Psychology Today blog. He explains why we react with so much indignation to the revealing that a public figure has human flaws and does not live up to the god-like status we’ve thrust upon them.

Shweder defines “the halo effect” as “the expectation that someone’s greatest in one area generalizes to their greatness in all areas. “ But the phrase is not new. It was first coined by a psychologist, Edward Thorndike, in a 1920 study to describe the way that commanding officers rated their soldiers. Thorndike found that officers usually judged their men as being either good right across the board or bad. Few were seen as good in one respect but bad in another. It was all or nothing.

It’s clear we have a “generalization” problem.

Shweder says

I believe the revelations about Tiger Woods seem stunning, in substantial measure, because we have allowed ourselves to be sucker punched by the halo effect. Most tellingly, this is an opportunity to see through the illusion of generalized grandeur. Why in the world should we ever expect a Mozart or a Magic Johnson or a Tiger Woods – all of whom are genuine wizards of a sort – to also be supermen, or to be standard bearers for family values or civic virtues?

Of course some will argue that moral and family values are indicative of honesty and integrity across the board and can’t nor shouldn’t be separated from a person’s amazing talents and abilities. That was part of the argument for efforts to impeach Clinton. Many of the same people who praised his oratory and leadership skills could no longer reconcile that Clinton with the philandering Clinton.

Evidence of “the halo effect” can be found in every field and endeavor and proves the continuing power of first impressions.

In job searching, for example, people who “interview” well are often hired based on their strengths being overvalued and their weaknesses being ignored.

Car companies will put out a first model,the halo vehicle, in the expectation that its appealing features, will make other models in the range attractive to buyers.

In dating, we are hopelessly drawn to an very attractive person who “shows” well and are forgiving of the less attractive attributes even when they are signaled by a “red flag.”

We pay more for a pair of jeans with a designer’s name on them than the same pair with a generic label. We are drawn to a tutoring program or trust a pharmaceutical report if they are named Princeton, even though they have no affiliation with the historical university by the same name.

Even scarier, with all of our attention to political speeches, debates and town hall discussions, we vote based on some generalized grandeur about candidates based on their appearance, charisma, smooth oratory, choice of clothing or mates rather than anything they say or promise about the issues. (We like to pretend that what they say is spontaneous, rather than rehearsed and orchestrated.)

Could it be that in our eagerness to have heroes and gods that we are no more advanced than the ancient Greeks who without adequate knowledge of science thought that the sun rose because their kings commanded it to do so?

We not only expect our “heroes” to excel in their own areas of expertise, but we unrealistically look to them for examples of how we should live our personal lives. This is problematic not only because we see only a small aspect of their lives, but we only see what the media reveals to us.

It brings to mind the movie,”Wag the Dog,” where a spin doctor distracts the public from the President’s scandalous affairs by creating a fake war. This movie was created in 1997. Now, thanks to Twitter, Facebook and other social media, spinning is much easier, faster and now viral. Anyone with a computer and the mind to enter the spinning fray can do so with a tweet, email or blog post.

Since I never looked to Tiger, Michael Jackson, Clinton, O.J. or other public figures for clues on how to live my life and raise my family, I can admire their talents and congratulate their achievements separate from the personal lives they chose to live. As a matter of fact, how do we distinguish this hunger for details of celebrities’ sexual exploits from voyeurism?

The fact that we so ravenously consume the “falling from grace” celebrity stories that fill the tabloids, waves and coffee shop banter makes me wonder what parts of our lives are being neglected and diminished. Let’s face it.  Our own feelings of inadequacy doom us to look to our celebrities for inspiration and live vicariously through them.

How sad.

Wouldn’t it be great if we were so busy creating amazing lives for ourselves and helping others live amazing lives that these celebrity stories would only be a blip in the atmosphere, if at all? Or better yet, if we paid so little attention to these stories that the media decided they weren’t profitable enough to even run them?

How are You Preparing for the New Year?

j0433093Invitations for holiday parties call for closing out the old year and ringing in the new. I’m looking forward to attending a few holiday parties this season, but I don’t consider those as preparation for my new year.

It’s a common practice to make New Year’s Resolutions in January but it’s also common that few people follow through with their resolutions.

Why is this so, and what can we do that will bring about better results?

When Denise Dyer, a spiritual life coach, was a guest on my Dec. 14th radio show she pointed out that resolutions are doomed to fail because they focus on problems. We often begin them with “I need. . .” instead of affirming and committing to the changes we want to take place in our lives. (If you missed this episode you can listen to it here.)

Denise continued by giving her formula for success: Inner work + outer work= success. As long as we come from a place of lack and try to impose changes from the outside, we are doomed to lackluster results.
If you want to make changes in your life for 2010, in fact, it’s essential to do the inner work to prepare for those changes now.

Janet Conner, author of Writing Down Your Soul: How to Activate and Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within, laid out a December plan for her readers that consciously prepares us to receive the good we want. She believes that it’s not enough to just state what we want. We must be ready to receive. To get ready involves a number of activities and shifts in consciousness. Although we’re already mid-December, it’s not too late to benefit from the activities that Conner proposes. Visit her December 1st blog post and catch up.

We’ve all heard many versions of John 16: 24 “. . .ask, and ye shall receive. “ I’d like to reword this saying with my own understanding, “Ask believing and in readiness, and ye shall receive.”

In my book, Color Your Life Happy, I share the importance of creating and repeating affirmations, but only to the level at which we can believe that we can receive what we want. Wishing for a million dollars, for example, is not of much use if you can’t visualize yourself having even $100,000.

As I prepare for the new year, I’m adapting Conner’s December preparation, which parallels some of the activities many religions complete during Advent season. The key components of my preparation are:

1. Setting aside time daily to be still and reflect on my many blessings.
2. Expressing gratitude for the blessings of ideas, people and experiences I’ve enjoyed this year
3. Forgiving others and myself
4. Drawing a picture on a December calendar of something I want in 2010.
5. Listening more deeply to my inner voice

What are you doing to prepare for the new year?

My Blog Disclosure: The FTC Made Me Do It

Man with magnifying glassWord has it that the Federal Trade Commission thinks that bloggers are making loads of money from blogging and they want us to ‘fess up as to the source of that income.

They also worry that bloggers may be influenced by money or freebies to endorse products or services without disclosing that money exchanged hands.

Boy! Have they been misinformed, at least in my case.

When I began the Color Your Life Happy blog a year ago, I didn’t even realize that you could earn money from blogging. I just wanted to share my ideas, tips, and advice about living a joyful, meaningful and fulfilling life.

To accomplish my goal I have shared not only my opinions and experiences, but also findings from research and news, as well as related videos of my own and from various sources.

The FTC’s primary concern is “freebies.” Since no one has given me any free products, trips, or services in exchange for writing about them, I’m in the clear on this one. No one has paid me to say something nice about them. Although I do on occasion express my opinion about this or that product, all I get in exchange is relief and satisfaction. You can’t bank that.

So how do I make money from this blog? Sadly, I don’t. At least not much. I have placed affiliate ads from Amazon and a few services and products that I think will benefit my readers, with the hope of earning commissions. But I will not be influenced by an affiliate or advertiser to write anything I don’t believe. I will never deceive my readers. The views and opinions you read here are mine.

Of course I encourage visitors to visit my website where they may buy my book, Color Your Life Happy, but I don’t think the FTC cares about that.

My approach to blogging is to be authentic, transparent, informative and inspiring. In my efforts to offer accurate information I often delay my writing to research facts. My desire to offer content of value to my readers sometimes slows me from being more prolific.

I appreciate my readers and subscribers, and hope that what I share on this blog will be informative, helpful, encouraging and inspiring.

Head Off Holiday Stress Before It Trips You

RidingcarouselUnionSquare11-09The one thing we all have in common is exposure to stress.

If managing the day to day operations of your life is not enough, add overseeing your employees or following the wishes of your boss, dealing with suppliers or pleasing customers, patients or guests and handling holiday stress.

If your stress remains unchecked you have a formula for destruction to your nerves, blood pressure and general health. Ignoring stress or pretending you’re not vulnerable makes you the perfect unprotected target for a stress-related breakdown. To avoid becoming disabled by stress become proactive.

There are four things you must do.

1. Start your day in a relaxed state by getting plenty sleep. This differs for each of us, but many experts seem to think that about six to eight hours is average.

If you suspect that you have a sleeping disorder, investigate it with your doctor or a sleep professional. Take the Sleep Test at http://www.sleepnet.com/

2. Break up your day to allow for relaxation, even if it’s just listening to your favorite soothing music midday or meditating. Working nonstop is overrated.

Take a relaxation break to facilitate the transition between work and home at the end of the day.

3. Exercise. I once thought exercise was important just for weight loss and physical health. Since I spent hours indoors writing a book last year, I realize that physical exercise is essential for my mental well-being as well.

Don’t wait until you think you have time to go to a gym or buy a treadmill. Walk around your block at least 3 times a day. If you can’t manage that, surely you can get up and walk around the house during TV commercials. What’s important is to move. Use it or lose it holds true with your body and mind.

4. Put things in perspective. We are good at making ourselves stressed by dwelling on every problem, and creating some along the way.

During the holidays many of us pile on too many additional tasks and go to great lengths to pull off over-the-top parties and dinners. We often overspend and overeat, only to dwell in upset and regret later.

  • How about deciding to enjoy the holidays with simple activities you enjoy. I love carousels, for example, so on Thanksgiving weekend while visiting my oldest daughter we went for a carousel ride in San Francisco.
  • Give more gifts of time and joy instead of material things.
  • Beware of feeling pressured to be with relatives if it’ll mean you end up more stressed
  • Decide which activities you care most about and let the others go.
  • Find a way to laugh. Watch a comedy that you find hilarious.
  • Put on your favorite holiday CDs and dance around the house as you go about your day.

Be proactive in preventing holiday stress from overtaking you and will enjoy a calm you may not have even realized you had and truly enjoy the season from beginning to end.