How to Get Unstuck Instantly by Doing One Simple Thing

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standingonheadHow would you like to get unstuck instantly in your life, mood, career, writing or other endeavor using one simple human behavior?

What if I told you that successful people use this behavior all the time to get unstuck and accomplish their goals? You would want to know about it, wouldn’t you?

Of course you would.

I share this with my coaching clients and use it myself.

Alright already, Flora! What is this one simple thing that will get me unstuck?!

Happiness researchers have discovered the one simple thing that gets us unstuck is intentional activity.

The Intentional Activity Theory

Humans are active creatures, spending energy on many projects and goals. When we get stuck such as in writer’s block or indecision about what direction to take in our lives, we stop taking action. The blocked writer sits there staring at the blank page. The career person in transition mulls over and over in his mind how indecisive he is. The entrepreneur freezes while creating her information product.

Simply explained, intentional activity is taking action on purpose, doing something, putting forth effort, doing something different.

Have you ever misplaced your keys and built up stress as you frantically wondered where you put them?
Then, you decided to give up the search and do something else, maybe go to the kitchen to make a sandwich or gather the books you’ll take with you when you find the keys.

Voila! When you returned to the room where you started, there the keys were, exactly where they were all along.

Another example. After working on my book for hours, I would occasionally get stuck. The next word would not come forth. The points I wanted to make were hiding out. When I recognized I was at an impasse, I would get up, leave the house and take a walk.

Why Intentional Activity Gets You Unstuck

Intentional activity works instantly because when you take action you put yourself in a different location, frame of mind and perspective. You interrupt the obsession, the mulling, the inner conflict, the fear.

All the world’s problems are not solved in this instant, but I assure you that you are no longer stuck at the same place where you were before.

What action is right to take to get you unstuck?

Almost anything that suits you that is different from what has you stuck.

Sometimes we are stuck waiting to have all the answers or while nursing the delusion of perfection.

To get team members past the fear that delays and kills projects, Seth Godin, master marketer created The Shipit Workbook. Seth believes that projects don’t fail because of lack of knowledge or concern, but because in teams everyone waits for instructions. No one wants to be the blame if things go wrong. Designed to be completed by a team, The Shipit Workbook enables a team to either complete a successful project, or realize the project is doomed and should be abandoned. Either way, it was taking action that got the team to the right conclusion.

Intentional Activity Gives You Valuable Information

Fail fast, fail cheap, and fail often is a common mantra of successful entrepreneurs.

When you have an idea for a product, service or business it’s important to do some planning, of course, but the sooner you can test your idea in the marketplace the faster you’ll know if there is a market and if your idea is viable. The early users of your idea can give you priceless feedback that enables you to make adjustments before you dump a huge sum of money taking an untested idea to completion.

When Walt Disney proposed the idea of Disneyland to bankers, he was already a successful graphic artist and movie maker, and yet he was turned away by bankers over 300 times before he finally found one willing to take a chance. After all, who could believe that such a preposterous idea would be work, much less be profitable. But Walt,  familiar with rejection and failure, was undaunted.

Each fertile idea Disney  proposed seemed to be met with skepticism. Naysayers saw Mickey Mouse as just another cartoon. His detractors predicted that movie goers would not sit through a full-length animated movie. And yet, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs became one of the biggest grossing movies in movie history.

So, when you’re stuck, do something.

Take action.

Take a new action.

Go to another banker.

Take a new route.

Make some noise.

Call a potential client.

Take a nap.

Help somebody else for a while.

Stop tweaking with that proposal and mail it.

Get up on the other side of the bed.

What do you think?

Have you discovered that taking action got you unstuck and helped you successfully reach your goal?

Leave a comment.

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Want to Be Happy? Step Up to the Plate and Hit the Ball

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womanathleteHappiness seems to require pursuit after all, according to researchers.

In their article, “Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change” in the Review of General Psychology, Lyubomirsky, Sheldon and Schkade define happiness as it’s presented in the rest of well-being literature: frequent positive affect, high life satisfaction, and infrequent negative affect.

They point to three factors that make up our happiness: life circumstances (10%), our set point or genetic makeup (50%) and intentional activity(40%) It’s this intentional activity over which we have control and which leads to sustainable happiness.

This is great news. This puts your level of happiness in your hands.

Intentional activity means choosing to engage in activities rather than waiting for others to get things started or done. To ensure your happiness, be proactive and act on your circumstances rather than blaming your fate on them.

Researchers discovered that it’s not just initiating new activity that’s important, but persevering to finish it as well. And, the activity does not have to be all fun to start. Putting in long study sessions is a short-term inconvenience, for example, for the long-term benefit of completing a degree program.

As humans we can bore of the same activity done over and over in the same way (scientists call this adaptation) and thus lose the “happiness” benefits. We can prevent this by varying the activity, the timing of it, and pausing to appreciate our progress along the way.

As I point out in Chapter 4 of my book, “Color Your Life Happy: Create the Success, Abundance and Inner Joy You Deserve,” after thinking positive thoughts, setting goals and visualizing what you want, you must also take action. If stepping out your comfort zone sounds too scary, then widen your comfort zone to include a new activity little by little.

Nothing restricts your happiness as much as contemplating a goal or desire indefinitely, convincing yourself that it’s just not within your reach. There is power in taking that first step.

Step up to the plate and hit the ball. Begin the thing you want to achieve. Look to others for inspiration and motivation, if you wish, but it’s you who must do the work in order for it to positively affect your happiness.

The beneficial activity is not limited to going after your own goals. You can derive equal happiness benefits by doing acts of kindness and showing gratitude for the positive circumstances in your life.

Take note: your ship is not coming in unless you have launched it.

Mr. Rogers was right all along.

You’ve Got to Do It!

You can make believe it happens,
Or pretend that something’s true.
You can wish or hope or contemplate
A thing you’d like to do.
But until you start to do it,
You will never see it through.
‘Cause the make-believe pretending
Just won’t do it for you

(CHORUS)
You’ve got to do it.
Every little bit
You’ve got to do it, do it, do it, do it
And when you’re through,
You can know who did it,
For you did it, you did it, you did it.

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Valentine's Day Has a Troubling Side

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woman on beach resizedHere’s hoping that you have a great Valentine’s Day full of love and affection. Unfortunately, there are some for whom Valentine’s Day is not a happy day at all.

In one newsletter by Joan Stewart, the Publicity Hound, two troubling concerns are associated with Valentine’s. First there are the wives and children who are victims of violence and abuse for whom Valentine’s Day is just another day of fear, dread and anxiety. Sheryl Cates, Executive Director of the National Domestic Violence Hotline reminds us in a Dear Abby column that these victims were hurt by people who said they loved them.

Then there are the cheaters who get caught on Valentine’s Day because they have to show up for both their lovers and spouses too. A Wall Street Journal article points out that this is why Valentine’s Day is a banner day for private investigators.

Most people don’t associate infidelity with Valentine’s Day, but it is such a sure bet that cheaters will be caught bearing gifts to the “other” person that this year will be the 8th Annual Valentine’s Day Infidelity Awareness Campaign. This campaign was started by Ruth Houston, Infidelity Columnist for Examiner.com. Her goal is to heighten public awareness of the connection between Valentine’s Day and infidelity, to call media attention to this seldom-discussed side of Valentine’s Day and to alert suspicious lovers that Valentine’s Day is the best time to get tangible proof of a cheating lover.

Out of this cheating sometimes grows enterprise. One writer was so upset at catching her husband cheating on Valentine’s Day that she started a website, www.revengelady.com to give advice on revenge, she says, so that you can bring happiness and humor back to your life.

Old-fashioned investigative techniques have been joined by high tech tools that help nail cheaters. The $199 Spark Nano Real-Time GPS Tracking Device is a 3-inch gadget that can easily be hidden in a car and broadcasts its location to a system that is accessible through the Web.

The pricier tool, the $497.50 Spy Matrix Pro, is a popular GPS for folks who worry about cheating spouses. Retailers of high tech tracking tools such as this report a spike in sales around Valentine’s Day.

Some cheaters fail to realize the long memories and far reach of social media and make catching them just too easy. When New York Republican Congressman, Christopher Lee, recently sought to hook up with a woman on Craigslist, he not only lied to her about his marital status and job, but he even sent a shirtless photo of himself. After doing a little research on him (apparently he failed to lie about his name) she learned not only that he was a sitting Congressman, but that he was very married with one child. The story spread across the media with lightening speed and lead Lee to resign within hours after it hit the news.

The syndicated reality TV show, Cheaters, that supposedly investigates and confronts cheating mates has been accused of being scripted. After a number of participants revealed that they were paid to help stage confrontations and even the stabbing of the host, we have discovered that this show, alas, has cheated.

With the overwhelming emphasis and money spent on Valentine’s Day, many have decided to attach less significance to the day. Many without mates choose to enjoy time with friends and family rather than pine over lost loves or long for the perfect mate.

The most troubling part of Valentine’s Day is that it’s the least romantic day of the year since so many commemorate it with chocolate and flowers out of obligation rather than celebration of love.

Love is kind. Love shouldn’t hurt.

“Love doesn’t make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Elizabeth Browning

“Love is friendship set on fire.” – unknown

“To laugh often and love much… to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one’s self… this is to have succeeded.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best place to start seeking love is to love yourself. Then express your love and appreciation in words and deeds for those around you everyday, not try to heap it all on a day urged upon you by retailers. You can still celebrate Valentine’s Day, of course, but in your own creative way with people with whom you share genuine and requited love all year long.

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I'm a Weird Mom and Proud of It

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Here I am on far right with a girls club I formed in my first teaching assignment, junior high.

Here I am on far right with a girls club I formed in my first teaching assignment, junior high.

I have loved school for as far back as I can remember.

My kids think this is downright weird.

I loved the smell of the books, the vibrant colors of the crayons lined up in the little black box we were each assigned, the smooth finish of my desk with a black inkwell in the upper right corner, and especially I loved my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Bordeaux. In my mind she was the smartest person in the world, and I counted on her to teach me all the things I needed to know to become educated. I also thought she was the most beautiful person in world, resembling popular actress of the day, Loretta Young, and dressing as elegantly.

Because I loved school so much it’s not surprising that I became a teacher. First, in junior high school English in Watts, CA and later in various colleges and even my own private tutoring program. I finished my formal career after teaching critical thinking at Fullerton College in Fullerton, CA for 20 years.

Everyone didn’t find school as pleasurable or inviting, I know. Some students were not even able to attend school due to upsetting home conditions or because their work on the farm conflicted with school schedules. Other students attended school but experienced cruel and unwelcoming teachers, dampening their enthusiasm for learning.

I was mindful of these things as I taught throughout the years, and insisted that my classroom be a welcoming and encouraging environment. I also insisted that my kids learned to read and write well, no matter how rocky the experience was at times.

Not only do I love school, but I also love libraries–small local ones and large university ones. And then there are bookstores. I can spend hours, days quite comfortable and cozy in either one.

When I went to Columbus, OH to rendezvous with a group headed to Obama’s Inauguration, one of my favorite places was a bookstore called The Book Loft in German Village. It’s located in a former church building and has 32 small rooms on several levels. I was fascinated not only with the variety and discounts, the fact that every room was playing a CD since they sell CDs also.

My kids think my love of bookstores is weird too.

Then there’s the computer.

The advent of the computer has made learning available for all who want it in so many forms. I just love it that I can meet people from around the world through their blogs and benefit from their insight and thoughts. Too often I get lost in what I call Alice’s hole when I follow link after link along an interesting trail of people, ideas, and cool tools.

It’s absolutely amazing how the 1,000’s of social media sites keep you in touch with friends–old and new–and enable you to make business contacts as well.

When I need to know how to use a piece of software or learn about a new beauty, cooking or other technique, I am grateful that YouTube makes information so accessible.

In addition, through the Internet I’m able to network with people from around the world who I may have never met otherwise. Through one group, www.couchsurfing.org, for example, I have hosted and been hosted by wonderful people who believe couchsurfing’s slogan: creating a better world, one couch at a time.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I may break into singing when I hear my favorite song or suddenly start dancing when the right song moves my feet.

Yes, I love school, books, libraries, the Internet, and a variety of music, and I’m proud of it!

By now you may agree with my kids that I’m weird.

No problem. My grandkids think I’m great!

In what ways are you weird?

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Is Your Happiness Tied to Your Name?

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Copy of 02890012Picking names for my kids was a serious endeavor for me.

I began thinking about this when I was an early teen. By age 13 I had decided what I would name my kids. I came up with three names so I expected to have at least three kids, I suppose.

My first  boy would be named Derek Lee Vard, after the gorgeous movie star John Derek who starred in those epic movies I saw when my father took us to the movies every Saturday evening. Lee Vard is the name of a childhood friend whose name I always admired, for some reason.

The first girl would be named Desiree Yvette. The name Desiree was the title of a Marlon Brando movie made in 1954 about Napoleon. I don’t remember why I chose Yvette for the middle name.

Finally, the second girl would be named Monique Michelle. I don’t remember why I chose either of these. I guess I just liked the way they sounded. I was so pleased with my name choices that I wrote them over and over again in notebooks as if practicing penmanship.

Everyone who knew me  knew my future children’s names. By the time I had children over a decade later, my names were no longer available.

My sisters had “stolen” my names because they had babies first. Yes. My first nephew is named Derek Lee Vard and my first two nieces Desiree Yvette and Monique Michell.

For longer than I care to admit, my jaws were tight about my sisters using the names I had on reserve, but I moved on and began the search for names when I began having children.

(In the photo above is my second daughter, Sonya, with her first child, Jasmine.)

When it comes to names, Hollywood stars often do the opposite. They change the names they were born with typically because the new names have more star quality, are easier to pronounce or catchier.

There’s no question that Lady Gaga is a far cooler name than Stephani Germanotta.

Singer Dionne Warwick, began her career with a last name that was really a printing error on her first label. Her last name, Warrick, was misspelled as Warwick and it became her stage name. Later, on the recommendation of a numerologist, she added an “e” to the end of her last name.

Folks in the corporate, entertainment and political arena take choosing just the right names very seriously. They often hire experts to help them select and modify their names because they strongly believe that they are tied to their success and happiness.

On Monday, January 31, 2011 Kerrie Hopkins, America’s foremost onomatologist, launched her new data-rich profiling website through www.namezook.com . From her site Kerrie is able to meet the needs of corporate and entertainment clients. Kerrie’s work is based on research and lead her to author several books, including the internationally acclaimed “Breaking the Name Code – Define your name – Design your life” which is studied at  the university level. Kerrie’s comprehensive name dissection is based on unique spelling, segmental phonemes, syllable structure, word fragments, and distinct characteristics or “markers.”

The study of names shows how you perceive yourself as well as how others perceive you, and examines how people interact with each other based on name characteristics.

How do you feel about the connection between names and status and happiness?  Are you happy with your name? Have you changed your name?  Share with us.

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