5 Tips to Increase Your Confidence

confidentbizman--resizedConfidence and happiness go together, and yet circumstances and events around us threaten to strain that connection.
Even the most confident of us can have moments of doubt or incidents that dampen and diminish our usual upbeat certainty.

Confidence is the belief that you have the ability and skills to succeed at whatever you tackle. When you are confident, your inner voice says “Yes, I can.”

Happiness is a state of well-being, where you are pleased with your life and look forward to each day.

Confidence is learned. It is based on successfully completing activities and reaching goals. The more you are successful at what you tackle, the stronger your confidence that you’ll be able to succeed at future endeavors.

Here are 5 tips to gain and maintain your confidence which will give you deep satisfaction in your day-to-day life.

1. Recognize that you are not alone.

People who are successful have moments of doubt and a slip in confidence occasionally. They also have failures and make mistakes, but they realize that this is part of growth. Instead of being undone by these bumps in the road, they find ways to restore their feelings of self-worth and self-assurance. You can do this as well.

2. Surround yourself with confident people and situations.

We are all influenced by our surroundings. That’s why it’s important to stay in the company of inspiring people who encourage you and cheer you on. This may be in the form of motivational groups, seminars, audio recordings, clubs, books, and of course, your friends. Fill your experiences and mind with uplifting people and ideas.

3. Break big tasks into smaller ones.

It’s scary to stare at a big task as if you had to accomplish it in one swoop. Big tasks take many days, weeks and sometimes years. So, chop the big task into small parts and complete one small task at a time.

Completing a college degree, for example, will require you to complete many units of study, often taking many years. But since you can only take one course or set of courses at a time, focus on what you can handle in small chunks. Complete them successfully knowing that they are moving you closer to your goal.

4. Acknowledge your successes, even small ones.

You may be like many of us, and discount your achievements, or put yourself down for not having done more. This is a big confidence-killer.

When you complete a step toward your goal, congratulate yourself, celebrate and reassure yourself that you will succeed at the next step as well.

5. Practice positive self-talk and affirmations.

Scientists say that we think thousands of thoughts each day. Since we tend to move toward the direction of the thoughts it’s essential that we think positive ones.

Think about what you want to bring about. Even before it comes into being it’s essential to speak about the good you want. Some achieve this with the help of guided meditation, prayer, and spiritual rituals. Find what works for you and make it a part of your life.

Take a Little Motivation and Pass It On

Beverlee Gopp--Walking in the Now

Beverlee Harbour Gopp

Do you receive lots of chain email asking you to pass it to ten people in 10  minutes or else?

If you’re like me, you hit the delete key in a flash.

It’s not that I don’t like sharing good stuff, it’s just that I don’t like chain spam from people insisting that I continue the spam assault on my mailing list.

But when you receive an email from someone with whom you’ve built a relationship, it’s a different story.

For example, a few days ago I received an email from my friend and fellow coach, Beverlee, from www.WalkingintheNow. It was an original motivational poem she wrote.  She agreed to let me share it with you.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

There are times in this life when my smile is real
My eyes shine with mirth to express my zeal
I walk much lighter with a carefree step
The commitments I make are all proudly kept
People are drawn to my inner light
I’m like a beacon they follow even out of sight
These are the moments when I am most proud
To help those around me let go of their doubt

Then there are days when the reverse is true
I hide under covers feeling quite blue
I worry and stress about all that might be
Forgetting the NOW that I practice with glee
What can I do to make this moment count
When bills and debt seem hard to surmount
I sit down and write my thoughts to inspire
Words dancing on pages as my mood transpires

Soon the creativity brings light to my heart
I am ready to begin all the tasks I must start
I look forward to the challenge of who I can be
A beacon of light for all to see
I’m excited and scared as I plan out my dream
Aware of the pieces and parts of my scheme
I let go of perfection as it gets in my way
My smile is real for the success of today

Beverlee Harbour Gopp
Author, “Choose Gratitude Not Attitude Even When Sh*t Hits the Fan!”
Motivational Coach, Creator of www.WalkingintheNOW.com

Use Your What-If's to Give You Courage

nysubwayGlenn Berger, psychotherapist and creator of the application Shrinky for Anxiety, wrote about “what-ifs” in his blog this week. It reminded me of an experience.

For my life I take the “what ifs” beyond the horrible thing to imagining that the eventual outcome won’t be the end of the world.

A few decades ago, for example,  I wanted to buy a commercial building to house a tutoring program I had started. I knew very little about real estate, so I bought a book called “How Not to Get Taken Every Time.” I read it and prepared to negotiate for this building I had spotted and loved.

I certainly experienced anxiety and fear, especially because my husband was too afraid of this financial move himself to offer me any encouragement and support.

For a while I was frozen with fear of failure. So, I imagined “what if” I was successful in getting this building, ran a successful program there, but reached a time when I could no longer pay the mortgage and bills? I imagined that I would lose the building and not have it anymore. That’s when it hit me! “I don’t have the building now, so if I lost it I would only be back to where I am now.” What a relief that realization was!

I went ahead with my plans and enjoyed two glorious years running my tutoring program in that building. When I closed that program, it wasn’t the money so much that was a problem, but my passion had declined.

What is your experience with “what if’s”?

What are the Ingredients for a Good Read?

Posing with Shirley and Bernard Kinsey

Posing with Shirley and Bernard Kinsey

Ask any reader what the ingredients are for a good read and you’ll get as many answers as there are readers.

And yet, that was exactly the topic of a program at Cerritos Library in Cerritos, CA presented by the Orange County (CA) Chapter of the The Links, Inc. in collaboration with The National Black MBA Association Inc., Los Angeles Chapter.

Five local authors and I shared our journeys and gave our viewpoints on the writing process and the highlights of our books.

Signing books at Cerritos Library

Signing books at Cerritos Library

Daniel Armstrong, a dream coach, author and lawyer inspired us with his story of the love writing instilled in him as child by his mother who encouraged his early efforts to write letters to the President. Later inspired by his experiences in Ghana, Africa, he wrote the motivational book, “How to Live Your Dreams: Find a Tree and Get Started.”

Gary Phillips
got his experience and calling to be a community organizer from growing up in South Central Los Angeles. Drawing on his experience in activism, printing and teaching incarcerated youth he writes stories of chicanery misadventure and human condition. His popular murder mystery, Citizen Kang, was serialized online by The Nation.

Attica Locke,
novelist and screenwriter, acted as the panel moderator. Her first novel, Black Water Rising, was shortlisted for the prestigious Orange Prize in the UK in 2010. She has worked for many years as a screenwriter , penning movies and TV scripts for Paramount, Warner Bros., Disney, 20th Century Fox, Jerry Bruckheimer Films, HBO, Dreamworks and Silver Pictures. Most recently she wrote the introduction for the UK publication of Ernest Gaines’ A Lesson Before Dying.

Paul Woodring, an electrical engineer, “intrapreneur” and entrepreneur, boasts many notable accomplishments. In the early 1980’s he directed the development of the first microprocessor based life support ventilator, a product that went on to become the most-used life support ventilator in the U.S. In 1996 he formed InVentive Technologies which developed the first touch screen ventilator that allowed for use of invasive and noninvasive ventilation in the same device. His first novel, Inventions, is an intriguing story of a Black character’s experiences in the high tech world of 1970’s emerging inventions and romance.

Bernard and Shirley Kinsey, known for their collection of African American art, books and manuscripts that span from 1600 to the present, gave a presentation , “What You Didn’t Learn in High School?” Based on the Kinsey Collection Exhibition at the Smithsonian American History Museum, their mesmerizing presentation spotlighted the struggles and achievements of Blacks throughout history. The Kinsey Collection was recently chosen by the Florida Department of Education as the curriculum to tech African American studies to 3.6 million children statewide.

During my presentation I shared how my idea for Color Your Life Happy: Create the Success, Abundance and Inner Joy You Deserve began as a blog and later became a book designed to help those who believe they have no voice or choice, find a way to rejoice. Drawing from findings of positive psychology and ancient truths, I packed each chapter with a unique mix of practical advice, creative activities, poetry, anecdotes and colorable cartoons.

A good read? It’s fiction and nonfiction, history and intrigue, mystery and romance. A good read inspires, entertains, instructs.

Thank you to the following groups for making this event possible and available to the public: City of Cerritos, Cerritos City Council, the beautiful Cerritos Library, the Orange County (CA) Chapter of The Links, Inc. and the National Black MBA Association, Inc. Los Angeles Chapter.

Forget Your Own Happiness, You Owe Me

Today I received the latest newsletter from Barbara Sher, author of Refuse to Choose!: Use All of Your Interests, Passions, and Hobbies to Create the Life and Career of Your Dreams and other inspiring books on living the life you were meant to live. In her newsletter she points us to the video above where she stresses the importance of doing what we were put here on this Earth to do.

In preparing us for the video Barbara points out, “You won’t hear one word about how you should treat yourself well, make yourself happy, put yourself first. It’s not about that. It’s about a debt you owe to the rest of us. ”

Even though I do talk a lot about making yourself happy, I remembered that I ended my book, Color Your Life Happy, on a point similar to the one Barbara is making in her video.

Happiness is the state of mind that enables you to reach within your reservoir of strength, joy, love, and peace to find purpose and meaning. Carrying out your purpose will help you and others. Being grateful will give meaning to your life and to the lives of those you help.

A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives you roses. ~ Chinese Proverb

I challenge you to suspend your skepticism; open your mind to the possibility of happiness and incorporate some of the ideas I’ve shared into your own life. Commit to balancing your family and work, finding your spiritual path, insisting on a job you love, releasing your leader within and leaving a worthy legacy.

I believe that each of us is born with a gift to share. Life is not just about finding ways to give yourself pleasure while neglecting to share your talents and brilliance with the world. Embracing happiness and doing what you were meant to do are one in the same.

How dare you neglect your gift to write beautiful poetry and deprive us of the inspiration it would give us?

How dare you have within you a deep love for scientific research that could lead to a cure for cancer but bury it under a 9 to 5 job you hate?

Wayne Dyer urges us not to die with our songs still inside of us.

You owe it to me, to us, to do what you love, for by sharing your gift, your purpose, and your passion, you fulfill your life mission and leave the world a better place for it.

What is your take on this? Speak up.