Everywhere you look there seems to be upset, conflict and events that threaten your peace of mind and happiness.

How can you remain upbeat and content under such circumstances?

Research, such as that done by David T. Lykken, noted geneticist, famous for the Minnesota Twin Study and author of Happiness: The Nature and Nurture of Joy and Contentment, discovered that about half of your sense of satisfaction with your life stems from your genetic makeup.

Your mother was right

Yep. Your mother was right, at least in part, when she said you’re just like your father.

But what of the remaining half?

According to Lykken, eight percent can be attributed to circumstances in your life such as your upbringing, education, marital status and income.

The remaining forty percent is a reflection of your attitude and the choices you make.

There is good news

In other words, you have control over a huge chunk of your happiness.

“Happiness is not, except in very rare cases, something that drops into the mouth, like a ripe fruit. … Happiness must be, for most men and women, an achievement rather than a gift of the gods, and in this achievement, effort, both inward and outward, must play a great part.” Bertrand Russell

The happiness that emerges from the research is not that giddiness that comes over you while skipping through the meadow.  It’s the well-being and sense of satisfaction you create as a by-product of your choice of thoughts and outward actions.

Happy people have their share of troubles, problems and heartbreak. What sets them apart and enables them to enjoy happiness are the choices they make.

Dance teacher, Adrianne Haslet-Davis, 32, suffered the unimaginable loss of her left leg in the April 15, 2013 Boston Marathon bombing. But three weeks later, on May 1, 2013 she appeared on the TV show, Dancing with the Stars, did ballet stretches and vowed to dance again, according to this Sun article.  Although the host and several of the contestants were in tears, it was clear that Adrianne has made a positive choice in the face of a personal tragedy.

Viktor Frankl, Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, is best known as a Holocaust survivor who showed us by example that even though we cannot control all circumstances, we can choose our attitude toward what happens to us. His book, The Search for Meaning, chronicles his experiences as an inmate in a concentration camp. He discovered that the inmates with the best chance of surviving those horrible situations were the ones who found a reason to live.

In this 22 minute interview, Frankl explains how having a meaning to live brings about happiness.

• Engage in meaningful work
• Believe in a higher power
• Trust their ability to overcome adversity
• Express gratitude
• Build on their strengths
• Discover their weaknesses and get help for them
• Surround themselves with nurturing relationships
• Restrict the amount of television and news they watch
• Eat healthy diets
• Get physical exercise
• Feed their minds with uplifting and enriching thoughts
• Avoid brooding over their mistakes and failures
• Focus on the present and what they can do here and now

Happy people use tools and strategies

Most of all, happy people identify tools and strategies to restore balance, harmony and positive feelings.

To encourage you to awaken the power within you to create a life of mindfulness, meaning, gratitude and joy,  I created Everyday Happiness, a set of inspirational cards designed as gentle reminders to take and keep control of your happiness.

Add these cards to your happiness arsenal and consult them daily for inspiration. Each card presents a cartoon on one side and words of advice or inspiration on the reverse side. Read through all the cards, noting which ones resonate with you. Or pick a card at random, letting that message speak to you.

The cartoons and messages are based on my book, Color Your Life Happy: Create the Success, Abundance and Inner Joy You Deserve, available in paperback and Kindle versions.

Once you get your own deck of cards, you’ll want to get them as gifts for the folks you care about in your life.

If this sounds exciting to you, grab your Everyday Happiness cards at http://florabrown.com/products-classes/everyday-happiness-cards now.

It was 43 years ago today that the first Earth Day took place. It wasn’t a federal holiday yet, but 21 million people concerned for our environment took part. Air pollution was only one of many concerns about the damage we were doing to our earth.

We still celebrate Earth Day in ever expanding ways that help the earth but also make us happier with our lives.(See the video above  to learn about the impact of urban green spaces on our well-being.)

For Jadav “Molai” Payeng it wasn’t an Earth Day celebration that sparked his concern for the environment.  It was 1979 when at age 16 he noticed that a flood had washed ashore many snakes who died in the heat without tree cover.

Pained by this sight, Payeng approached the forest department about planting trees, but they said it couldn’t be done. Unconvinced, he began his life-long campaign of burying seeds near his home in Northern India. Now at age 47, Payeng can look out over his 1360 acre lush ecosytem, the Molai woods, that now protects birds, deer, rhinos, tigers and elephants.

There are endless ways you can help save the environment until you’re ready to plant a forest, throw out your TV or make your wedding dress out of bread bag clips.

Some of things you can do won’t dirty your hands or involve an insect diet.The idea is to make “green” a way of life and not just a once-a-year celebration.

Here are loads of ideas some of which are small and easy ways to get started.

• 10 Things You Can Do this Earth Day (and every day)
  This list offers simple ideas like going meatless once a week or checking your tire pressure.

• 10 Tips to Make Every Day Earth Day
  Something as simple as dressing appropriately and eating local and seasonal food honors our Earth.

• Celebrating Earth Day 2013
  With the theme, “The Face of Climate Change,” enjoy the amazing ways that Earth Day 2013 is being celebrated around the world.

• 10 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day
  This list suggests visiting recycling center as one of its ideas.

• Best Earth Day Events in L.A
  Check out the upcoming activities listed here.

• 9 Things I Do for Earth  Day Every Day
  Here are the things Adalia John from the blog,  Confidence is an Inside Job does for the Earth every day.

What do you do on daily basis for Earth Day? Have you noticed an improvement in your mood and increase in your happiness as you’ve simplified or decluttered your life? What new ideas did you get from the ones shared here?

Image from CreativeDonkey on flickr

When a national tragedy occurs such as the recent Boston Marathon Bombing and the Newton shootings before that,  many of us are tearful, angry, confused and frightened. We struggle to cope with and quell our own anger as well as offer comfort to children and loved ones.

It was just a few days into the semester at a local community college where I was teaching a critical thinking class.

I had just dismissed the class  when an attractive female student stopped by my desk before leaving the room.

“I just want to let you know that I’ll have to drop out of school for now,” with a distinct sadness in her voice.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I shared. “Are you moving?”

“Actually, yes. I’m moving into a shelter with my two kids to get away from my husband.”

“Oh,” I could hardly catch my breath.

“He knows my schedule, and so to be safe we must go into hiding for a while.” Her fear was palpable. “I don’t know when I will return,” she said as she slowly turned and left the room.

I never saw her again.

In my 40 years of teaching, she was not the first nor the last of my students who left school to begin their escape from domestic violence.

I never saw any of them again, but I think about them.

Many women (and some men too) are hurt by the same people who once promised to love and protect them.  When this happens, the fear of abuse and even death can be overwhelming.

Here’s hoping that you have a great Valentine’s Day full of love and affection from your significant others. Unfortunately, there are some for whom Valentine’s Day is not a happy day at all.

Troubling concerns associated with Valentine’s Day

1. For the wives and children who are victims of violence and abuse Valentine’s Day is just another day of fear, dread and anxiety.

2. Many cheaters get caught on Valentine’s Day because they  show up for both their lovers and spouses too.  For this reason, Valentine’s Day  is a banner day for private investigators according to this article and this one.

3. Animal abuse and domestic violence are linked according to this article.

More troubling concerns associated with cheating and domestic violence

1. If you’re one of those people who asks why women stay in abusive relationships, watch the video above and read this article where Leslie Morgan Steiner, author of Crazy Love , shares her own disturbing story and those of others. She is in an advisory group for DC Volunteer Lawyers Project.

2. Out of marital cheating often grows other endeavors. One writer was so upset at catching her husband cheating on Valentine’s Day that she started a website, www.revengelady.com to give advice on revenge, she says, so that you can bring happiness and humor back to your life.

3.  It’s not unusual on dating sites to see applicants admit in their profiles that they are married and just looking for a fling. (Wonder how I know this?)  But how about a website like http://www.ashleymadison.com/ devoted to encouraging cheaters who are looking for affairs.

4. As many as 90% of the women in jail today for killing men had been battered by those men. See the Fact Sheet on Battered Women in Prison.

5.  In the video above, Steiner shares these chilling statistics:

• One in three women experience domestic violence at some point in their lives.
• 500 women and girls a year are killed as victims of domestic violence.
• It’s extrememly dangerous to leave an abusive relationship. More than 70% of domestic violence murders occur after the victim has left.

What can you do about all this?

1. Learn to recognize the early signs of abuse. The abuser usually seduces and charms the victim before slowly isolating her from her friends and families.

2. Break the silence.

Lorri Galloway, on the right, executive director of Eli Home for Abused and Neglected Children, speaks with reporter. Date unknown.

3. Help break the cycle of abuse.

• Donate to and participate in organizations such as one of my favorite charities,  Eli Home for Abused and Neglected Children.
  Like them on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/elihome and follow them on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/theelihome
• Donate to the National Domestic Violence Hotline here  

4. Don’t let these grim facts and  experiences turn you against love and Valentine’s Day. Instead,

• Spend the day with loving friends or relatives. Since I’m mateless, I’m going to enjoy a local jazz performance with a group of friends.
• If you are going to be alone on Valentine’s Day, Mashable suggests some Netflix movies just right for the occasion.
• Recall the interesting history of Valentine’s Day here
• Call to extend loving thoughts to someone else who will be alone on this day and will be uplifted to hear from you.
• Visit a nursing home to spend some time with those residents who never get visitors.
• Attend religious/spiritual services since this year Valentine’s Day falls during the Christian Lent season
• Extend random kindness to a stranger today.
• Leave random love notes in a public place you visit today. See Writing Letters Brings Double Happiness.
• Share this post with folks you love and on your social media sites.

[This is an update on a similar post I wrote on Feb. 14, 2011]

Can you think of other ways we can celebrate love and Valentine’s Day? Leave your ideas in the Comments.

Photo from NBCNews

Audience member savors inauguration

Photo by Robin Jerstad

Celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day takes many forms for many people. I’ve always liked to focus on King’s call to all of us to serve.

When Obama said on Jan. 4th, “America’s never been about what can be done for us; it’s about what can be done by us together,”  in a White House press release, it had a familiar ring.

In his 1961 inaugural address, John F. Kennedy urged us, “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.”

In his Feb. 4th, 1968  sermon, “The Drum Major Instinct,” King said

“Everybody can be great … because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love.”

The call to service is easy for all

The great thing about being of service is you don’t have to go far to offer it.

You don’t need loads of skill or buckets of talent. Connecting with an established charity, church or other community groups can do enormous good and be gratifying for you, even if you work with them only occasionally throughout the year.

In every age group from premature newborns to senior citizens are people longing for conversation, a visit or a touch. Local and global groups can help you find people in one of these groups if you are drawn to serve one of them.

The call to service is accessible to all

• One neighborhood rallied around to help each other when someone was recovering from illness and needed a hot meal or were unable to drive and needed transportation to medical or other appointments.

• When I owned a gift basket business, the owner of a customized cookie company recognizing that I was new to the business took time from working in her booth at the California Gift Show to sit me down and give me some great marketing advice. I will always appreciated her spontaneous and generous mentoring.

During the National Day of Service on Jan. 19th people could sign up for local projects or pledge to host an event at http://www.2013pic.org/service  or sign up here to serve on Martin Luther King Jr. Day

• Nancy Dixon, a junior at Quincy University,  cleaned and organized book shelves, while other students painted walls and cabinets at Quanada.
•  Volunteers from all walks of life assembled personal care kits for U.S. service members at the D.C. Armory.
• The Golden Gate National Parks Program invited volunteers to sign up for various tasks in California national parks.

Don’t fret if you missed participating on the 19th. Your community offers daily and year-round service opportunities.

The call to serve has many dimensions

While part of your goal is to earn a living, serving others must come first. Just as King filled a void when he spoke out for justice and freedom, so must you fill a void in the niche you serve and show flair and style in the life you live.

There are infinite ways to earn a living. The career or business you choose must be the one that fills a need within others and brings deep satisfaction to you. Even if you are working on a job that is just a stop along the way to your ideal career, give your sincere effort and best service, not just for others, but for yourself as well.

When you help others you help yourself as well. Click to tweet

To serve, King points out, all you need is a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love. Thankfully, these things are within everyone’s reach. To tap into them all you have to do is go within, believing that they are yours.

May Martin Luther King Jr. Day be a reminder to you to start your daily activities from your heart and soul, and carry out your interactions with your loved ones as well as your communications and exchanges with your job or your clients with integrity and joy.

The call to serve is the theme of an historic inauguration

To have the 2nd inauguration of President Obama occur on Martin Luther King Jr.’s Birthday reinforces the power and reach of the office and the impact it has on many people

@barackobama and @flotus are heading down Pennsylvania Ave. Bill and Mary say they’ll go wild when they see them: twitter.com/obamainaugural…

MLK’s travelling bible one of two used by Obama for 2013 inauguration ceremony

Big inauguration, tiny Aretha hat from 2009 inauguration @katyperry

I laughed, “Not necessarily. Wearing these socks makes my feet happy. And when my feet are happy I feel good all over.”

Of course I realize that to some extent she was right. It did take confidence, or maybe just a lack of concern about what people think.

Part of this is hereditary.

My mother lived to be 92 and she certainly was concerned with doing the “right” thing in many ways, except fashion. She wore patterned nylons that went in and out of style at least twice over the years. When I see my youngest daughter wearing those patterned nylons, leggings, tights, I chuckle with delight.

So many people worry about what other people will think about what they wear and what they do, that it does take some confidence to do what you want without concern for others.

But I also see wearing my “happy” socks as an announcement to the Universe: these socks make me smile, put pep in my step and make me happy, whether anyone else likes it or not.

Being happy is about finding joy in simple things.

What simple thing makes you happy?

Remember that poem that starts “When I get old I shall wear purple?”

You don’t have to wait until you are old?

Wear happy socks or a wild tie or whatever makes you feel good all over.

My happy socks don’t have any magical power. They aren’t even expensive. They were $1 at one of my favorite stores. Their power is what my mind gives them and I give them a lot.

So, if you aren’t ready to embrace happiness all over, maybe you could just make your feet (or hands, or head,or other part) happy for now.

How about it?

If you liked this idea, you’ll love my book, Color Your Life Happy: Create the Success, Abundance and Inner Joy You Deserve. It’s available in print and ebook.

Showing gratitude consistently appears as a major factor of happiness.

When you show appreciation for the good in your life or thank someone for what they mean to you, it not only makes you happier,  but the recipient as well.

A Harvard Medical School article reports that  “gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”

While you can express gratitude through a phone call or a gift, the easiest, quickest and most powerful way to bring happiness to your life is to write personal letters.

Waiting my turn in line at a popular coffee shop in San Diego, CA I listened as customers ordered breakfast:

“Breakfast quiche,” said one customer.

“I’ll have the ham and cheese croissant,” said the next customer.

Following each food order the clerk asked “Do you want that for here or to go?”

Over and over he asked the same question, “Do you want that for here or to go?”

That’s when it hit me.

We answer that question everyday when we make decisions about our lives.

Now or never?

Daily we make choices about pursuing  this or that goal or dream, or  delaying for some future time.

Unlike deciding to eat a croissant later,  however, pushing our goals into the future may result in running out of time and never accomplishing them.

In a  Reader’s Digest article years ago a woman shared how she and her husband longed to take a trip around the world. Not  wanting to go into debt to pay for the trip, they decided to save the money for their trip so they could travel worry-free.

Year after year, they socked away money in their dream vacation account. After ten years they agreed that they had saved  enough and eagerly made reservations to embark on their trip.

One week before they were to leave, the husband died of a massive heart attack.

As the wife grieved her loss, she deeply regretted that they had not made that trip earlier even if it meant taking years to pay it off.

She wrote the article to warn us to not delay our dreams.

How to get happiness for here

Have you delayed a dream, a goal, or a desire until the time, circumstances or money are right?

There’s nothing wrong with setting goals, making plans, and dreaming dreams.

Unfortunately, there is seldom a right time other than now.

The problem is not acting on our goals or dreams immediately, even if we only take small steps.

“Many people think that if they were only in some other place, or had some other job, they would be happy. Well, that is doubtful. So get as much happiness out of what you are doing as you can and don’t put off being happy until some future date.” — Dale Carnegie

If you  are ready to get your happiness here and now, here are three ways to do it.

1. Give yourself permission.

We are often our worst enemies since we stage a war with ourselves in our heads. If you find yourself hesitating to start toward a goal, you are afraid of success or failure.

You are definitely concerned about whether you deserve the wonderful things you imagine.

Maybe you are worried about what other people think or waiting for approval from others before you start.

We all want the best for those we love.  So learn to love yourself. Then give this amazing person called “you” permission to do, be, and embrace whatever makes you happy.

2. Find out what you really want.

This may sound simple on the surface, but discovering what we want requires research and exploration. We often judge what we want by the fun others seem to be having with it.

You may think, for example, that  you would enjoy living in a quaint cabin in the woods where you could spot a deer now and then, off the main road miles away from the nearest shopping center and city noise.

Explore this first by daydreaming the way you did as a child.

Sit quietly and imagine yourself in the place, situation or experience you think you want.

Then check with your feelings.

If you feel elated, energized and excited, you are on the right track.

If, on the other hand, if visualizing yourself having what you think you want makes you feel heavy, nervous and uneasy, your feelings are warning you that pursuing this goal doesn’t hold the happiness you seek.

In addition to visualizing, here’s another idea.

Before you pull up your city roots, give this tranquil life a test drive in the form of a vacation, a visit or a short stay. While this living style may be very appealing from the comfort of a movie theater seat, it may not be what you really would enjoy in its entirety once you’re there long term.

3. Gather the resources to help you reach your goals.

Once you decide what you really want, it’s time to line up the people, information and tasks that will help you achieve your goal. When I decided to write my book, Color Your Life Happy, here are a few steps that helped me reach my goal:

• Read or heavily skimmed the major books, articles and blogs  in the happiness field
• Bought a laptop
• Attended a Positive Psychology conference to learn from researchers what findings they had discovered
• Hired  a life coach
• Hired a publishing coach
• Changed my main workspace to my living picture window where I could get light.
• Visited the library and bookstores sometimes to browse, sometimes to write in a different environment
• Set up a writing schedule
• Attended a publishing institute where I met other authors actively involved in the writing process
• Joined Toastmasters to work on speaking skills
• Joined an Internet marketing group to learn more about promoting my book
• Made notes on my experiences and observations on vacations and trips away from home

In addition to taking these and many other actions, I also had to accept my flaws and shortcomings.

I accessed inner resources such as prayer, meditation, and exercise to help me

• fight procrastination
• bolster my confidence
• resist distractions

Without condemning myself for not being perfect, I accepted my limitations and weaknesses and got help with overcoming them.

No one of these tasks got my book done by itself.  Each one played a part in moving from idea to successful completion.

It’s certainly up to you whether you want to have your dream life or happiness now or for another lifetime.

I urge you to try the steps I’ve shared if you want to choose happiness for here and now.

Have you ever caught yourself putting off going for a goal or delaying a dream?

Or perhaps you resisted the urge to do so, and went after a dream even though outside circumstances didn’t seem just right.

In any case, share in the comments what happened.

==========

This post is based on one I wrote in Jan. 5, 2010.

What’s more fun than scrounging around on the weekend and discovering some great finds.

Some folks go to garage sales.

I snooped around the Internet.

Here are few unique items I uncovered:

1. The hop!

If you travel a lot, you know that lost luggage can take the fun out
of a trip. A suitcase that  follows you around via Bluetooth, however, will be hard to lose. The hop is still in prototype, but if it solves this age-hold problem it’ll be worth the
wait.

2. Jet Blue Election Protection

If your candidate doesn’t win in the upcoming election, you may feel like leaving
the country. Jet Blue wants to make that happen for you. But you need
to vote with them first.Go here to learn about your free trip, if you need it
that is.

3. The Wikoda Sunflower

How about a garden mirror that tracks the sun?

This is a gadget I could put to use right away. I would love to have
a lush garden, but the location of my plants to sun is not always
conducive to keeping my garden green. Check out this device at
but be forewarned, you will need to have some negotiable
green to be able to afford it.

4. The Beam Toothbrush

This product is going to make my dentists ecstatic.
It’s a nonelectric toothbrush that features sensors in the handle
that transmit data wirelessly to smartphones with the Beam app installed.
The app collates data, creates an easy-to-understand chart and can provide
dentists with a detailed cleaning history. It’s safe for children and
adults and is affordable.

5. The Joey Bra

This product is way behind the times. Many grandmas figured out how to
transport keys and money in their  bras over 100 years ago.

But if you want the cutesy version where you can store your cell phone, ID
and more, then this may be just the piece of underwear for you. There must
be a lot of ladies who didn’t have my type of grandma because this bra sold
out during its first run.

6. Weed Dating

Just when you thought we didn’t need another dating service, here’s
weed dating. Single young farmers get to meet each other in speed dating
fashion while working side by side in the fields.

There you have it! Did you find any interesting gadgets or services this weekend? Tell us about it in the Comments.

Liked this list? Share it with your friends on all your favorite social media sites below.

One of the many  important messages that emerged from the interview is that “We can’t give people what we don’t have.” This struck home with me because as a parent I was too often caught promoting a double standard.

Another powerful message is Brene’s decision to not be influenced by people who criticize her from afar, but have not stepped into the arena themselves.

She drew this from the following quote from Theodore Roosevelt:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

During the interview you’ll learn how to go about making change in your life.

Do yourself a favor and watch the entire interview below. You’ll be encouraged to embrace risk, uncertainly and emotional exposure. It’s the courageous path to success.

Once you’ve watched the video, share in the comments what it brought up for you about your life.