Color Your Life Happy

When our family was gathered for Thanksgiving one year, I observed all the different conversations and behaviors that were going on after dinner.

My mother kept asking my niece when she was going to take her home. My niece responded with annoyance since she wanted to stay longer.

One of my sisters was trying to organize a gift exchange drawing for upcoming Christmas gifts, but she wasn’t getting any cooperation. It seems that no one wanted to think about Christmas on Thanksgiving Day.

Another sister was playing the piano and trying to rally all of us to join her in singing Christmas carols. Normally my mother, the musician, would be playing the piano and trying to gather us around, but as she neared the end of her 80’s she was more interested in getting back home.

“Anybody want to play a game of UNO?” my son asked.

As I observed the noise, discord and tension just below the surface, I silently lamented “Why can we have a normal family gathering?”

Almost as quickly as I thought that, a voice in my head say “This IS your normal family gathering.”

We all have two family gatherings: the ones we rehearse ahead of time and the ones we actually have.

In my rehearsed family gathering we all arrive, greet each other with warm kisses and sit down for a delicious dinner on time.

Not one grandchild makes a negative comment about the new fruit salad recipe. Instead someone says, “What an inviting looking salad. I can’t wait to try it.”

Another relative compliments “Hmm, everyone smells delicious,” as everyone nods in agreement.

A particularly observant relative points out “Wow, your decorating are fantastic! I especially love these candles shaped like corn on the cob.”

Okay. Enough of that. Are you nauseous yet?

How do we have happy family gatherings? Here are some of my ideas:

1. Invite only the happy and contented relatives.
2. If you insist on inviting the rest, set the ground rules and be ready to run interference.-Put a tight time frame on the event.

–Don’t invite warring factions to the same event. A holiday is no time to try to bring peace between the Hatfields and the McCoys. 

One of my daughters has an overdeveloped sense of compassion and likes to include random people she has befriended to our family gatherings. After a few unpleasant encounters with some of these folks over the years, I had to put my foot down.  New rule: no random people. If this means she doesn’t want to attend without them, so be it.

One of my sisters smokes. Strong rule for her: you will have to smoke outdoors at least 10 away from any open doors and windows. (Until I put my foot down she’d stand on the patio just on the other side of the door and smoke would still waft into the family room.)

–Be ready to diffuse negative comments and incendiary criticism with positive responses.

“What’s this green stuff in the casserole?”
“Those are green chiles. They aren’t hot, but why don’t you take a small amount to see if you like them. If not, just choose the foods you like.” (Try not to grit your teeth as you say this.)

–If you have relatives who get aggressive as they consume alcohol you may want to avoid stocking alcohol. Fortunately this hasn’t happened in my family, but I’ve heard of gatherings that turned into shouting matches, fist fights and even stabbings and shootings.

     3. You know your family better than anyone. If none of the ideas in #2 work, go back to #1.

 Hope your 4th of July was as happy as mine!

In his article  “The Last Thought Principle,” Steve Simms compares the mind during sleep to a parked car.

Unlike the parked car that stops running until we turn it on again, however, the mind keeps running in our sleep. To ensure that we wake up refreshed, in a good mood and happy, he advises parking our mind in positive.

I don’t think enough of us give credit to the value of sleep, and the importance of what we plant in our minds just before sleep. How do we park our minds in positive before going to sleep?

Steve suggests consciously thinking positive and happy thoughts will enable you to wake up in a positive mood.

Here are some other tips to help you get the positive sleep you need.

1. Get the right amount of sleep.
   Experts say the average person needs between six and nine hours. To find out more about your own sleep needs, take one of the quizzes at the National Sleep Foundation.
2. Make a sleep schedule and stick to it.
   You can’t catch up on lost sleep, or save up for the future.
3. Avoid caffeine and spicy foods before bedtime.
   They interfere with sleep.
4. Exercise in the afternoon to foster a good night’s sleep.
   
5. Skip watching television as the last thing you do before sleep.
   Instead, read a pleasant book, meditate, pray or think of all the things you have to be grateful for as you ease into sleep.

When they were young I insisted that my children send thank you notes for birthday, Christmas and other gift-giving occasions. They grumbled and protested, but I held fast.

Now as adults they write thoughtful and caring thank you notes for not only gifts, but after job interviews to each person on the committee.

Although I always knew that sending thank you notes was an important gesture, I didn’t realize at the time that showing gratitude was also a way to increase your own happiness.

Today I discovered a fabulous article that discusses not only the importance of thank you notes, but gives great detail and examples of what to say. I urge you to read How to Write an Effective Thank You Note for Any Occasion.

For which occasions do you send thank you cards?

When I saw this statement on a list of lessons learned by a rookie entrepreneur, it reminded me of a day during my doctoral studies.

 We were on a very tight budget while I took classes and studied to finish my doctorate. We were making a big financial sacrifice when I quit my job to become a full-time graduate student. Fortunately we were able to pay our mortgage and keep our 3 children healthy and fed, but many other things had to wait in line for their turn.

I was driving an old car that I wasn’t sure would start each time I got in it.

One morning that I was scheduled to give surveys to teachers at an inner city junior high school it started pouring down raining. I pulled on my leather boots, darted between raindrops and jumped in the car. It started! Great!

When I arrived at the school I stuffed the stack of surveys under my raincoat to keep them dry, grabbed my purse and equipment I needed for the testing and rushed toward the building.  Just before I reached the door I stepped into a puddle of water. When I pulled my dripping foot from the puddle I discovered the heel of my right boot was broken off.

In order not to be late for my appointment, I limped down the hall and made it to our meeting on time.  With damp clothes, broken shoe and dampened spirit, I proceeded as professionally as possible.

Boy! That morning sucked big time.

I share this story because sometimes in the process of promoting positive thinking, encouraging inner joy and sharing tips for happiness people get the wrong impression.  Folks wrongly believe there is some way to master the art of creating perfect days. Not!

• Some days are going to suck.
• One day your head will be the perfect landing for bird droppings.
• You will lose your keys.
• Your child will lie to you.
• Someone will lie about you.

And on and on.

Being happy and claiming your inner joy is not about preventing these bad things from happening. We have absolutely no control over the weather or what others do, just on how we react.

How do we get past these sucky days then?

• Be grateful for what did go right. (My old car got me to and from my research appointment.)
• Choose how you react. (I eventually laughed at my rainy day adventure)
• Cry if you want. (Tears are Nature’s cleansing treatment.)
• Make note of what you learned. (Don’t wear leather boots in the drenching rain.)

A number of decades have passed since this event. Wouldn’t it be a shame if I had let singular event steal my joy and color my life sad?

What bad days have you survived by taking control of your reactions? Share your story.

Do you sabotage your own plans to change? So many of us do by setting up a massive, long-term plan that our subconscious just can’t embrace.

Example: a plan to lose 100 lbs is a wonderful goal, but is much more manageable if thought of in small increments such as 1-2 lbs a week.

You see, as soon as you announce a weight-loss plan to your body it starts to fear it will starve and makes its own plans–storing up for the famine. But if we take small attainable steps our body will cooperate rather than resist.

Since any such plan requires changes in our habits and daily behavior, it’s so much easier to change one small thing than to try to turn our world upside down in one day.

Get ideas for making small meaningful changes in your life starting today and in small ways:

• How to Strip 10 Years Off Your Age  
• A Fail-Proof Way to Reach Your Goals
• Widen Your Comfort Zone

The biggest secret to success is that there is no secret. But there are some common traits and behaviors that successful people seem to share.

Richard St. John shares what he has learned about success from hundreds of interviews with successful people. Watch this 3 minute video where he’ll share what he discovered.

As I stepped out of my front door for my morning walk, another walker passed by and commented, “It’s really sticky out here today.”

I find it amazing that a stranger seems comfortable opening a conversation with a negative rather than with a positive comment like ”Isn’t this a beautiful day?”

Why this is true I’m not sure.  

But I am sure that the doom and gloom over high gas prices, the downturn in the economic, foreclosures, etc. picks up volume around the water cooler, gas pump and wherever people gather.  We jump into the negative fray commiserating over this or that as if to confirm that we’re part of this miserable club.

If this attention to all the negative brought about positive changes I would recommend it. On the contrary, wallowing in the doom and gloom has some dangerous outcomes.

1. It distracts from many other important things that are going on in the world like world hunger, disease, mankind’s inhumanity to man.  It’s a common magic technique to keep you busy looking in one direction while they set up the trick in the other.
2. It blinds us to the positive possibilities. Even people who are blessed with wonderful opportunities around them miss seeing them when they are griping.
3. It saps our energy so we are less able to think of creative solutions.
   The negative energy spent talking up all that is wrong lowers our energy level thus making us less able to engage our brains in a positive way.
4. It fuels individual and group hopelessness. Even those of us were are normally hopeful can become infected and be brought down if we give this virus access to us.
5. It promotes the wrong idea that we have no choices or control over our lives.
   In any compeition, game or war the other side counts on this to help them win.

Instead of getting caught up in the woe-is-me trap, check out what Pamela Slim, in her blog Escape from Cubicle Nation , offers as some great ways that businesses can turn that energy to positive moves. In my comment on her blog I added information about what this means to us personally as well.

I learned about Pamela’s blog from Jonathan Field’s post, Every Minute Spent Complaining is a Minute Lost Solving

Chime in with your opinion on complaining.