I was listening to a friend lament a string of problems when I realized that not one of the things she saw as problems were really critical.
When I asked her to tell me about the good things that were going on in her life she was taken aback.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Well, let me see, ” I began. “You have a loving husband, you’re doing the work you love, you live in beautiful home, you can afford to travel wherever you want on vacation and you have raised two successful children.”
Not only do we get caught up in recounting our “problems”, but I think we actually enjoy sharing the negative more than rejoicing in the positive.
Where does this come from and how do we learn to embrace happiness?
Some of us think that dwelling on happy thoughts will jinx us.
My sister-in-law thought I was doing just that when each year in my Christmas letter I highlight the positive things that happened during the year.
Then there are some who believe that focusing on happiness is a form of denial.
Many aren’t enjoying our happiness because we have an aversion to it. Many of us were brought up to mistrust happiness and to avoid embracing it for fear it will disappear. Sadly, this makes us more comfortable with the miserable things around us than with all the wonderful things in our lives.
Becoming conscious of our attitude toward happiness and keeping our well-being separate from events around us is the key to embracing happiness.
The biggest secret to success is that there is no secret. But there are some common traits and behaviors that successful people seem to share.
Richard St. John shares what he has learned about success from hundreds of interviews with successful people. Watch this 3 minute video where he’ll share what he discovered.
The Internet is loaded with wonderful articles, stories and tips for improving your life. I’ve gathered a few links to give you a shortcut to the inspiration from other authors and bloggers.
Living life more happily is a goal I share with many. Even though we sometimes let our efforts get thwarted by people and things, making this goal a priority will keep us on the right path most of the time.
You can find many volumes written about how to live a better life, more happily and purposefully. The words of wisdom I trust most, however, are profound in their simplicity and based on the struggles and overcomings of the writer.
Shanel Yang, Easy Steps to Success, is a site that offers refreshingly unencumbered guidelines, tips and inspiration for achieving happiness and success.
Shanel Yang is a South Korean woman who came to the US at an early age and had to grow up fast in order to help her parents find their way and make a home in a new land. She rose to the task and learned many important life lessons along the way.
She believes that you can be happy if you are successful with people, work, money. Because you also need good communication skills and knowledge of your rights, she also adds English and law to this list. (By the way, she graduated from UCLA Law School and practiced law for 10 years in Los Angeles.)
Her articles and blogs dating back to Oct. 2007 are loaded with great information, tips and advice. You will gain much insight and inspiration from Shanel’s website and blog. To get started, check out her four quick tips for happiness.
People frequently wish us an extraordinary day. What does that say about an ordinary day?
In our haste to attain exceptional success, fantastic relationships and exorbitant amounts of money, many of us miss out on the beauty of an ordinary day. This is what Michael Neill shared in an article where he explores why a friend and mentor said to him “Have an average day!” Michael was surprised by this until his friend explained what was behind it.
He learns that after studying suicide notes a university researcher decided that the enemy of happiness is “the curse of exceptionality.” You see, if we were all exceptional then being exceptional would become commonplace. In this case everyone would fail since exceptional means standing out from the rest.
And, as anyone who has excelled knows, being exceptional can bring on feelings of isolation and estrangement. Or, on the other side, believing you can never attain greatness can make you believe your life is worthless and without meaning.
Neill ends his article with these final words about an ordinary day
the meaning of our lives comes from the differences we make with them, though these differences need not be huge to have a profound impact - we may well have the ultimate prescription for a happy, productive life: Be an average, happy person making a small positive difference (and having a happy, average day). In doing this, you create a kind of exceptionality that everyone can share.
Let’s face it. We all feel down at times. After all, we’re living a human experience.
So, when you feel down, what do you do?
Some meditate, do yoga, walk in nature, or whistle a happy tune. Me?
I wear happy pajamas.
No matter what has tried to reach my inner joy, at the end of the day my happy pajamas lift my spirits and return me to peace. (Of course if you watch Law and Order: Criminal Intent after you put on your happy pajamas, your joy is in danger again. But I digress.)
I love message pajamas: High Maintenance, Relax (a very comfortable sleeping cat,) One of a Kind, Use Your Head.
I also enjoy animal print, particularly leopard and giraffe.
There are occasions when I feel like donning my Paris-themed, frogs, or dreamy clouds pjs, and even a few solid colors. I have one no-nonsense pair of gray pjs that I bought in the men’s dept. I feel like Kathryn Hepburn when I wear those.
My youngest daughter is in that phase of her life where many of her friends are getting married. If any of these newlyweds expect that they’ll be happier being married than they were being single, they’re in for a big surprise.
Psychology Today featured a review of a study that appeared in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
The study, conducted with 24,000 people in Germany, measured life satisfaction levels to see how well they adapt to positive and negative life events. While we may experience a spurt of happiness during our wedding and a deep sadness over the death of a loved one, we all eventually return to a “set point of happiness.”
Two important points from this study confirm what I believe: happiness is not external and no one is ecstatic all the time.
I was listening to a friend lament a string of problems when I realized that not one of the things she saw as problems were really critical.
