Color Your Life Happy

When we were growing up my sisters and I couldn’t wait to get out of the house to play hide and seek, jacks, and jump rope routines with our friends and neighbors.

 I don’t remember playing games that included adults and children. Now, as a mom and grandma, however, I can see a tremendous benefit to family members of all ages playing games together.

Some families regularly play board, card and other types of games after dinner or during holidays. After big family dinners we usually gathered around the piano to sing since my mother was an accomplished pianist and organist. That was certainly fun, but I don’t remember games. So I decided to introduce games.

Games have to be introduced carefully when they aren’t common in your family. Some members will be suspicious and fearful that they will be embarrassed. Others will get so competitive that they can turn it into a war. One experience we had recently was lots of fun.

At my adult son’s birthday party last month we played a bowling game on the patio. Pint-sized bottles of water were the pins and a $1 plastic ball was the bowling ball. We had 3 rounds that increased in difficulty. First, they could throw the ball the regular way. Second, they had to turn their back to the pins, lean over and throw the ball through their legs. In the third round each bowler had to stand on one foot.

This game was hilarious because my teenage grandsons were overly confident that they would ace this game. After all, it seemed so simple. But they threw the ball too hard making it bounce over the pins.

We laughed with each other, because nobody was expert at this game. Even those who are good bowlers found that trying to control a ball that was light weight and would bounce is very different from the heavy bowling ball with the finger holes.

The prizes were simple items like a pack of gum, pencil, notepad, snack mix and candy.

This game was a big success for a number of reasons.

1. It was simple. Nothing ruins a new game more than complicated rules.
2. It gave skilled and unskilled bowlers an equal chance.
3. The prizes were simple removing any undo competition over prizes.
4. We played enough rounds and had a playoff to allow for multiple winners.
5. We laughed together in a nonthreatening activity that even the hesitant players enjoyed.
6. Even though it was a competition, we were each pulling for each player to score well.
7. The children enjoyed seeing adults participating in a child’s favorite pursuit: having fun just for the sheer joy of it. Of course there’s the added bonus of seeing adults being vulnerable, even if it means looking foolish.
8. It’s a pleasant memory that will be with us forever.

 What games do your family enjoy? What have been the benefits?

When our family was gathered for Thanksgiving one year, I observed all the different conversations and behaviors that were going on after dinner.

My mother kept asking my niece when she was going to take her home. My niece responded with annoyance since she wanted to stay longer.

One of my sisters was trying to organize a gift exchange drawing for upcoming Christmas gifts, but she wasn’t getting any cooperation. It seems that no one wanted to think about Christmas on Thanksgiving Day.

Another sister was playing the piano and trying to rally all of us to join her in singing Christmas carols. Normally my mother, the musician, would be playing the piano and trying to gather us around, but as she neared the end of her 80’s she was more interested in getting back home.

“Anybody want to play a game of UNO?” my son asked.

As I observed the noise, discord and tension just below the surface, I silently lamented “Why can we have a normal family gathering?”

Almost as quickly as I thought that, a voice in my head say “This IS your normal family gathering.”

We all have two family gatherings: the ones we rehearse ahead of time and the ones we actually have.

In my rehearsed family gathering we all arrive, greet each other with warm kisses and sit down for a delicious dinner on time.

Not one grandchild makes a negative comment about the new fruit salad recipe. Instead someone says, “What an inviting looking salad. I can’t wait to try it.”

Another relative compliments “Hmm, everyone smells delicious,” as everyone nods in agreement.

A particularly observant relative points out “Wow, your decorations are fantastic! I especially love these candles shaped like corn on the cob.”

Okay. Enough of that. Are you nauseous yet?

How do we have happy family gatherings? Here are some of my ideas:

1. Invite only the happy and contented relatives.
2. If you insist on inviting the rest, set the ground rules and be ready to run interference.-Put a tight time frame on the event.

–Don’t invite warring factions to the same event. A holiday is no time to try to bring peace between the Hatfields and the McCoys. 

One of my daughters has an overdeveloped sense of compassion and likes to include random people she has befriended to our family gatherings. After a few unpleasant encounters with some of these folks over the years, I had to put my foot down.  New rule: no random people. If this means she doesn’t want to attend without them, so be it.

One of my sisters smokes. Strong rule for her: you will have to smoke outdoors at least 10 away from any open doors and windows. (Until I put my foot down she’d stand on the patio just on the other side of the door and smoke would still waft into the family room.)

–Be ready to diffuse negative comments and incendiary criticism with positive responses.

“What’s this green stuff in the casserole?”
“Those are green chiles. They aren’t hot, but why don’t you take a small amount to see if you like them. If not, just choose the foods you like.” (Try not to grit your teeth as you say this.)

–If you have relatives who get aggressive as they consume alcohol you may want to avoid stocking alcohol. Fortunately this hasn’t happened in my family, but I’ve heard of gatherings that turned into shouting matches, fist fights and even stabbings and shootings.

     3. You know your family better than anyone. If none of the ideas in #2 work, go back to #1.

 Hope your 4th of July was as happy as mine!