Color Your Life Happy

When our family was gathered for Thanksgiving one year, I observed all the different conversations and behaviors that were going on after dinner.

My mother kept asking my niece when she was going to take her home. My niece responded with annoyance since she wanted to stay longer.

One of my sisters was trying to organize a gift exchange drawing for upcoming Christmas gifts, but she wasn’t getting any cooperation. It seems that no one wanted to think about Christmas on Thanksgiving Day.

Another sister was playing the piano and trying to rally all of us to join her in singing Christmas carols. Normally my mother, the musician, would be playing the piano and trying to gather us around, but as she neared the end of her 80’s she was more interested in getting back home.

“Anybody want to play a game of UNO?” my son asked.

As I observed the noise, discord and tension just below the surface, I silently lamented “Why can we have a normal family gathering?”

Almost as quickly as I thought that, a voice in my head say “This IS your normal family gathering.”

We all have two family gatherings: the ones we rehearse ahead of time and the ones we actually have.

In my rehearsed family gathering we all arrive, greet each other with warm kisses and sit down for a delicious dinner on time.

Not one grandchild makes a negative comment about the new fruit salad recipe. Instead someone says, “What an inviting looking salad. I can’t wait to try it.”

Another relative compliments “Hmm, everyone smells delicious,” as everyone nods in agreement.

A particularly observant relative points out “Wow, your decorating are fantastic! I especially love these candles shaped like corn on the cob.”

Okay. Enough of that. Are you nauseous yet?

How do we have happy family gatherings? Here are some of my ideas:

1. Invite only the happy and contented relatives.
2. If you insist on inviting the rest, set the ground rules and be ready to run interference.-Put a tight time frame on the event.

–Don’t invite warring factions to the same event. A holiday is no time to try to bring peace between the Hatfields and the McCoys. 

One of my daughters has an overdeveloped sense of compassion and likes to include random people she has befriended to our family gatherings. After a few unpleasant encounters with some of these folks over the years, I had to put my foot down.  New rule: no random people. If this means she doesn’t want to attend without them, so be it.

One of my sisters smokes. Strong rule for her: you will have to smoke outdoors at least 10 away from any open doors and windows. (Until I put my foot down she’d stand on the patio just on the other side of the door and smoke would still waft into the family room.)

–Be ready to diffuse negative comments and incendiary criticism with positive responses.

“What’s this green stuff in the casserole?”
“Those are green chiles. They aren’t hot, but why don’t you take a small amount to see if you like them. If not, just choose the foods you like.” (Try not to grit your teeth as you say this.)

–If you have relatives who get aggressive as they consume alcohol you may want to avoid stocking alcohol. Fortunately this hasn’t happened in my family, but I’ve heard of gatherings that turned into shouting matches, fist fights and even stabbings and shootings.

     3. You know your family better than anyone. If none of the ideas in #2 work, go back to #1.

 Hope your 4th of July was as happy as mine!

Remember the commercial where the family was about to eat dinner and the father says, “So this is the dining room?”
It was funny because so many of us could relate to it.

It’s true that homeowners tend to favor one room over another. Like the dining room, the living room seems to be used only a few times a year. Why is that?

Historically the living room evolved from the parlor. The parlor was a room where only very serious things took place: meetings, weddings, funerals and a place to meet with the insurance man. Wealthy families tended to also have a sitting room. It was a separate private gathering place for the family in the evening where the head of the household would read aloud while the ladies did some type of handiwork.

When funerals were no longer held in the parlor, it became a room for the “living,” thus the living room.

In spite of the fact that I love my living room, I realized that I seldom spend time there. So, I decided to rectify that by doing my reading there in front of the fireplace, every night. Boy, is that cozy!

Of course when my kids came home and spotted me in the living room, they immediately became worried.

“What’s wrong?” “Why are you in here?” they questioned.

“I live here,” I responded.

“I know. But you’re never in the living room. What’s wrong?”

It seems that the living room still is perceived as a very serious place and a place for formal company. But not anymore. I plan to live all over my home.

How about you? Do you live all over your home or just in a few rooms?