Color Your Life Happy

Have you noticed that quite a few people seem to have the key or path or road to happiness these days?

Throughout history so much attention and research focused on maladies, flaws, and cures. We loved to talk and read about what was wrong with society and individuals.

Thankfully we are now in an era when seeking prevention and exploring happiness have become acceptable and in most cases, respectable endeavors. In college majors, scientific research and popular nonfiction, happiness is being explored and pursued.

Take a look at best seller lists and Oprah’s Show and you’ll find many views on how to achieve happiness.

• Marci Shimoff’s Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out teaches how to have sustained happiness for life

• Eric Weiner’s The Geography of Bliss: One Grump’s Search for the Happiest Places in the World points to the places on earth where people are the happiest

• Eckhardt Tolle’s The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment  and A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose (Oprah’s Book Club, Selection 61) tells how to find the joy and peace within

• Dan Gilbert’s Stumbling on Happiness shows that we’re not that good at predicting what will make us happy

• Elizabeth Gilbert’s  Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia takes us along on the author’s year journey in search of herself

• Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven® Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? (Purpose Driven® Life, The) tells how to find the purpose for which you were born

 How can there be room for so many books on happiness? Which one is right for you? Where are the answers you need?

I encourage you to read these books and continue to reach for happiness and joy. In the meantime, I’ll distill what I’ve learned that makes for my happiness.

1. Smile
   Do you know that people can hear you smile on the telephone? Smiling is one of the quickest ways to lift your mood. The fact that your smile may be unsettling to others who wonder what you’re smiling about is a bonus.
   

2. Laugh
   It’s said before that laughter is the best medicine. Have you treated yourself to a deep, robust laugh lately? Dr. Madan Kataria says that laughter is nature’s stressbuster. He believes in the benefits of laughter so much that he started Laughter Yoga and Laughter Clubs. To learn about his clubs and conferences, visit his website www.laughteryoga.org
3. Dance
   You don’t need to go out or have a date. Turn on the music and dance around your home. You don’t even have to be any good at it. It’s good exercise too.
   
4. Cry
   When you feel sad about something, cry. Many happiness seekers think that being happy means never being sad.
   About 4 hours before leaving for a night at the theater I learned that my sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer and that another relative has been arrested and accused of a horrific crime. I let the tears flow and flow.
   
   Because I was admonished in my childhood so much with “Big girls don’t cry” it hasn’t always been easy for me to cry. But I’ve learned the cleansing affect of crying. I’m convinced that holding sadness in is harmful to our health.The best way to be happy is to cry when you need to. Once the painful experience is out, your inner joy returns. This is because our inner joy is not really tied to outside events. We just think it is.
   
5. Be still and breathe
   Every now and then the copier in our campus workroom would stop working. None of the indicators would go on telling us to call the service repair. It didn’t need toner. It didn’t seem to be overheating. After about an hour the copier would running well again.
   My theory is that even the copier would need a break from the nonstop copying. So, since we wouldn’t willingly give it a break, it took its own.Most advice on finding happiness suggests breathing deeply, being still ,meditating and praying.
   
6. Say yes to yourself
   Until you learn to value ourselves, how can you expect others to do so. See my article on this.
   
7. Hang out with fun and interesting people who are doing what you like to do
   Before you plant new seeds, gardeners advise us to get rid of the weeds, stones and debris and prepare the soil.Likewise, avoid the people who inhibit your growth and steal your joy. I know that some of these are your relatives, but my advice is the same. Your happiness is at stake.
   
8. Try something new
   Challenge yourself. For some this may be training for a marathon; for others, it could be as simple as taking a different route home, trying a new recipe or learning a new computer program.New research on preventing Alzheimer’s reports the tremendous benefits to the brain of challenging and new activities.
   
9. Be here and now We were recently attending the retirement ceremony of one of my nephews who served 20 years on the Navy While  enjoying delicious food on his beautiful patio when I asked my daughter, “How do we get to the freeway from here?”
   The reception had barely begun and I was already racing ahead to the future.Fortunately my daughter reminded me, “Mom, be here and now.”I snapped back and began to really engage in conversation and enjoy the beauty of my surroundings.
   
10. Be kind to others and yourself.
    

So there you have it. Success and wealth don’t lead to happiness. It’s the other way around. Happiness leads to your success and wealth, in whatever way you define these. So, it’s worthwhile to choose happiness. How about you?  What’s your recipe for happiness?

Photo by Alan Light (license) 

We all seek success whether openly or secretly.

But there is one thing most of us are not ready for when it comes.

The backlash.

When you finally get the job you trained for, the house you dreamed of, the relationship you attracted, you can bet that everyone will not be happy for you. Some will even hate you and speak evil of you.

Others will even go so far as to praise you one week and be a willing party to your crucifixion the next (Remember Jesus.)

What causes this paradox?

1. To succeed you must make choices. When you make choices, you invariably leave behind the choices not made. Mixed in among those choices are people who are still back there at the crossroads you left behind.

 In a television interview Whoopi Goldberg once shared how surprised and saddened she was by the friendships she couldn’t hold onto once she became famous. She remembered that when she was a struggling comedian beset with many life challenges, she and her buddies always said they would treat each other to a fantastic dinner and invite each other to their mansions when they became wealthy.

Once Whoopi became successful, some of her buddies from the old days would allow themselves to enjoy her success, so they declined invitations.

2. To succeed you must take action. People who are unwilling to take the actions that lead to success often feel betrayed by you.

Many years ago I took a writing class that was offered free as part of a community services program. The teacher offered us leads to magazines that were looking for writers.  The next morning I called the editor and got a writing assignment.

As soon as I finished talking to the editor, I got a call from my teacher congratulating me, not for getting the assignment, but for following up on the lead. She indicated that she always followed up on the leads she gave her students. I was the only one in that class who followed the lead.

3. To succeed you must change.Those who want to keep the status quo are afraid of how your changes will affect your relationship with them.

A number of my returning college students shared stories of marital upset brought on by their return to school.
One doctoral candidate, for example, indicated that her husband was supportive of her the first semester, but by the second semester began to withdraw his support. He seemed to feel so threatened by her determination to complete her degree that he threw up as many roadblocks as he could.  He refused to watch their two children in the evenings she was in class. Increasingly he withdrew more and more support. Eventually he threw out the ultimatum: “It’s either the doctorate or me.”

 She successfully completed her doctorate three years later.

The backlash that can follow success is not about you at all.  It’s about the inner turmoil of those who wrongly believe that your success in some way diminshes them. It doesn’t, of course.

Even though the weak and fearful will not be able to share your joy, continue to progress toward your goals, make good choices and enjoy your success.  Some people you will never meet will be inspired by you, and that makes all the difference in the world.

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This article was inspired by a post, Oprah’s Top 7 Tips for Creating the Life You Want, on The Positivity Blog.  Of the 14 readers who commented before I did, almost half lashed out at Oprah’s success.

[This article was inspired by a post on Liz Strauss' blog.]

I feel as scared as the next person when stepping outside my comfort zone.

What will happen? I could fail. I could lose everything. I could get hurt.

True.

But I have a news flash for you.

Your comfort zone is not all that safe.

Horrors, failures and disappointments can find you wherever you are so why not have fun and enjoy your life along the way.

Something surprising happens when you step outside your comfort zone. Your old familiar zone widens, your world expands, self-satisfaction increases and your inner joy blooms.

But that’s not all.

Stepping outside your comfort zone not only is the path to growth and success, but prevents stagnation and boredom.

Perhaps you’ve always wanted to do something but were afraid. We all are at first.

My advice?

1. Do what Susan Jeffers outlines in her book Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway (r) . Don’t expect to wake up one morning and be unafraid. That’s not likely to happen. Take the first step.

As I was writing this article my daughter invited meto  go walking with her. I love taking the metaphorical paths less travelled, but not so much the actual ones. Who knows what wild thing is lurking in all that overgrowth on bordering the trail!

But while writing an article on stepping outside your comfort zone, I could hardly ignore my own advice. So away we went.

We were the only humans on the trail this morning, but lizards, rabbits and butterflies welcomed us. The fragrance of the many varieties of trees and plants was exhilirating. Gratitude washed over me for being physically able, healthy and free to take this walk. My body and consciousness thanked me.

2. Hang out with people who are doing what you like to do. Want to travel, but not alone? Join a travel group or take a group tour.

Last year I attended a seminar on leading a fulfilled life facilitated by Barbara Sher, author of Refuse to Choose.  It was held in Italy. Since I hadn’t been to Italy I decided to achieve two goals at once.

Barbara could have set her seminar anywhere in the world, but enjoying the activities in the courtyard of a centuries old Masseria elevated the experience. A few of the attendees were from Europe, but most were from the USA, mostly CA, my home state. I gained a new batch of friends all on the same path of leading fulfilling lives. We’re planning a reunion.

3. Sample first. You think you want to open a nonprofit organization? Volunteer to work in one first. You’ll learn a lot about the inner workings, and can see the operation in a different light. After getting a taste of it, you may discover that you don’t like it after all.

4. Start reading about your interest. Learn all you can from books, articles and the Internet. The benefits are tremendous. You will learn the vocabulary of the field and discover a wealth of sources to consult.

5. Join an organization or trade association. If more than two people in the world are doing it, there’s probably an organization, convention and t-shirt. Check out groups in your interest and geographic area on www.meetup.com

6. Take baby steps. See more about that here.

Life-enhancing ideas often pop up in unlikely places.

This occurred to me while watching the movie “The Ball” one of the short films chosen to be shown on Pangea Day. In the film, thousands of children in Mozambique found a way to use a product that clearly was not the manufacturer’s intent. Business people like to call this repurposing, but for these children it’s just a practical way to reach their goal.

As children, many of us found ways to create fun play time with simple items and techniques just like the children in the movie.  As we grew up, however, we often opted for not-as-good, but ready-to-go alternatives.

Those of us living in cities and towns with easy access to a multitude of products and services often trade money for saving time and enjoying convenience.  The more money we have the more we trade. In the process of easy fixes, perhaps we lose something. (Read my contradition here.)

People with limited means and/or access are forced to be resourceful and clever, but perhaps in the end are happier with their simpler more straightforward lives.

Enjoy this cute movie. Then think of resourceful, low-cost, clever ways to reach your goals and enjoy a simpler, happier life.

We count our worth in many ways.

How do you count yours?

Invest 3 minutes to watch this movie to see if you’re counting your life by numbers.  Then tell a friend to watch it too.

I am happy that I decided early in my life not to take or stay on jobs that depleted me, never mind didn’t gratify.

When I was in between closing my tutoring business and looking for a job, I decided to substitute teach while I looked for full time work. Teaching is my callling and the situation I found was perfect in many ways: a 6-month assignment, close to home (I could walk) and the principal was flexible. In spite of all that, I quit after one day.

It was tough after having made an agreement to call the principal and quit. But the school was so out of control that I refused to be a part of it. It was more important to say “yes” to myself and feel authentic.

At the time I was separated from my husband, had four children and no savings, but I strongly believed that we would not crash. And we didn’t.

While my kids were at school, I spent my energy searching for work that paid well and gratified me. To keep things afloat I took 4 part-time jobs teaching and running short-term programs. I was on a different campus everyday.

I reworked payment arrangements with my mortgage company and my youngest daughter’s Montessori school. I had one interview suit and we ate a lot of Bisquick recipes.

Three job offers came at the same time by the spring of that semester: director of a new program in Central California, sales rep for a major publisher and reading teacher at Fullerton College.

I just retired from teaching at Fullerton College for 20 years.

What about you?

Have you ever turned down work that would pay well but would eat you alive?

All jobs have some aspect that we don’t like, but where do you draw the line on what you will tolerate for money?

P.S. This is an expanded version of a comment I posted on Jonathan Field’s blog. Take a look at his blog and how others responded to his post.

Living life more happily is a goal I share with many. Even though we sometimes let our efforts get thwarted by people and things, making this goal a priority will keep us on the right path most of the time.

You can find many volumes written about how to live a better life, more happily and purposefully. The words of wisdom I trust most, however,  are profound in their simplicity and based on the struggles and overcomings of the writer.

  Shanel Yang, Easy Steps to Success, is a site that offers refreshingly unencumbered guidelines, tips and inspiration for achieving happiness and success.

Shanel Yang is a South Korean woman who came to the US at an early age and had to grow up fast in order to help her parents find their way and make a home in a new land. She rose to the task and learned many important life lessons along the way.

She believes that you can be happy if you are successful with people, work, money. Because you also need good communication skills and knowledge of your rights,  she also adds English and law to this list. (By the way, she graduated from UCLA Law School and practiced law for 10 years in Los Angeles.)

Her articles and blogs dating back to Oct. 2007 are loaded with great information, tips and advice. You will gain much insight and inspiration from Shanel’s website and blog. To get started, check out her four quick tips for happiness.