Color Your Life Happy

When they were young I insisted that my children send thank you notes for birthday, Christmas and other gift-giving occasions. They grumbled and protested, but I held fast.

Now as adults they write thoughtful and caring thank you notes for not only gifts, but after job interviews to each person on the committee.

Although I always knew that sending thank you notes was an important gesture, I didn’t realize at the time that showing gratitude was also a way to increase your own happiness.

Today I discovered a fabulous article that discusses not only the importance of thank you notes, but gives great detail and examples of what to say. I urge you to read How to Write an Effective Thank You Note for Any Occasion.

For which occasions do you send thank you cards?

When I saw this statement on a list of lessons learned by a rookie entrepreneur, it reminded me of a day during my doctoral studies.

 We were on a very tight budget while I took classes and studied to finish my doctorate. We were making a big financial sacrifice when I quit my job to become a full-time graduate student. Fortunately we were able to pay our mortgage and keep our 3 children healthy and fed, but many other things had to wait in line for their turn.

I was driving an old car that I wasn’t sure would start each time I got in it.

One morning that I was scheduled to give surveys to teachers at an inner city junior high school it started pouring down raining. I pulled on my leather boots, darted between raindrops and jumped in the car. It started! Great!

When I arrived at the school I stuffed the stack of surveys under my raincoat to keep them dry, grabbed my purse and equipment I needed for the testing and rushed toward the building.  Just before I reached the door I stepped into a puddle of water. When I pulled my dripping foot from the puddle I discovered the heel of my right boot was broken off.

In order not to be late for my appointment, I limped down the hall and made it to our meeting on time.  With damp clothes, broken shoe and dampened spirit, I proceeded as professionally as possible.

Boy! That morning sucked big time.

I share this story because sometimes in the process of promoting positive thinking, encouraging inner joy and sharing tips for happiness people get the wrong impression.  Folks wrongly believe there is some way to master the art of creating perfect days. Not!

• Some days are going to suck.
• One day your head will be the perfect landing for bird droppings.
• You will lose your keys.
• Your child will lie to you.
• Someone will lie about you.

And on and on.

Being happy and claiming your inner joy is not about preventing these bad things from happening. We have absolutely no control over the weather or what others do, just on how we react.

How do we get past these sucky days then?

• Be grateful for what did go right. (My old car got me to and from my research appointment.)
• Choose how you react. (I eventually laughed at my rainy day adventure)
• Cry if you want. (Tears are Nature’s cleansing treatment.)
• Make note of what you learned. (Don’t wear leather boots in the drenching rain.)

A number of decades have passed since this event. Wouldn’t it be a shame if I had let singular event steal my joy and color my life sad?

What bad days have you survived by taking control of your reactions? Share your story.

Do you sabotage your own plans to change? So many of us do by setting up a massive, long-term plan that our subconscious just can’t embrace.

Example: a plan to lose 100 lbs is a wonderful goal, but is much more manageable if thought of in small increments such as 1-2 lbs a week.

You see, as soon as you announce a weight-loss plan to your body it starts to fear it will starve and makes its own plans–storing up for the famine. But if we take small attainable steps our body will cooperate rather than resist.

Since any such plan requires changes in our habits and daily behavior, it’s so much easier to change one small thing than to try to turn our world upside down in one day.

Get ideas for making small meaningful changes in your life starting today and in small ways:

• How to Strip 10 Years Off Your Age  
• A Fail-Proof Way to Reach Your Goals
• Widen Your Comfort Zone

The biggest secret to success is that there is no secret. But there are some common traits and behaviors that successful people seem to share.

Richard St. John shares what he has learned about success from hundreds of interviews with successful people. Watch this 3 minute video where he’ll share what he discovered.

As I stepped out of my front door for my morning walk, another walker passed by and commented, “It’s really sticky out here today.”

I find it amazing that a stranger seems comfortable opening a conversation with a negative rather than with a positive comment like ”Isn’t this a beautiful day?”

Why this is true I’m not sure.  

But I am sure that the doom and gloom over high gas prices, the downturn in the economic, foreclosures, etc. picks up volume around the water cooler, gas pump and wherever people gather.  We jump into the negative fray commiserating over this or that as if to confirm that we’re part of this miserable club.

If this attention to all the negative brought about positive changes I would recommend it. On the contrary, wallowing in the doom and gloom has some dangerous outcomes.

1. It distracts from many other important things that are going on in the world like world hunger, disease, mankind’s inhumanity to man.  It’s a common magic technique to keep you busy looking in one direction while they set up the trick in the other.
2. It blinds us to the positive possibilities. Even people who are blessed with wonderful opportunities around them miss seeing them when they are griping.
3. It saps our energy so we are less able to think of creative solutions.
   The negative energy spent talking up all that is wrong lowers our energy level thus making us less able to engage our brains in a positive way.
4. It fuels individual and group hopelessness. Even those of us were are normally hopeful can become infected and be brought down if we give this virus access to us.
5. It promotes the wrong idea that we have no choices or control over our lives.
   In any compeition, game or war the other side counts on this to help them win.

Instead of getting caught up in the woe-is-me trap, check out what Pamela Slim, in her blog Escape from Cubicle Nation , offers as some great ways that businesses can turn that energy to positive moves. In my comment on her blog I added information about what this means to us personally as well.

I learned about Pamela’s blog from Jonathan Field’s post, Every Minute Spent Complaining is a Minute Lost Solving

Chime in with your opinion on complaining.

“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap. If you want happiness for a day — go fishing. If you want happiness for a month — get married. If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”
- Chinese Proverb

According to this Chinese proverb lasting happiness comes from helping someone else.  If you are interested in lifelong happiness here are some ways to help others:

Clean out your closet and donate to a local charity.In my neighborhood we get requests from charities frequently. They leave a plastic bag for your donations listing the type of items they need.  I donate my casual clothes to the majority of the charities.

My suits and professional clothes can be used by charities helping women who are trying to get back on their feet such as DressforSuccess.org.

Donate time to help serve the homeless, senior citizens, or others in your community.

There are many opportunities in my town, especially around the holidays. But these charities also need help year round. To help with their year-round needs, respond to their appeals for financial donations throughout the year.

Some ways to help others:

• volunteer at hospitals hugging ill or abandoned newborns
• take volunteer vacations
• help build homes for low-income or survivors of catastrophes
• or find another volunteer opportunity at Volunteer Match

Donate money to charities that allow you to pick the recipients.     

• Modest Needs  helps stop the cycle of poverty before it starts for low-income people
• Donors Choose  allows you donate to the proposal of your choice submitted by a teacher
    

These are, of course, just a few of the unlimited chances to help others.  A search on your computer or in your community will yield many more from which you may choose.  Get started on your lifetime of happiness by helping someone else.

It’s easy to give advice to others. After all, it’s perfectly clear from my point of view to see what’s wrong and what could fix someone else’s problems.

It’s also very easy and even satisfying to share tips about being happy and joyful when things are going well for me. But what happens when things seem to fall apart for me? Can I take my own advice and follow my own tips?

That’s what I’ve had to face lately as I wrote for my blogs and worked on my new book, Color Your Life Happy Starting Today.

First, sad news seem to flood my life last month.

• Three people who have played important parts in my life died: a childhood friend, pastor of my former church, a good friend

• My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer

• A nephew was arrested

Second, my blogs started playing their own games

• You’ll notice that some of my recent posts on this blog appear twice. That’s because when I published the first one it didn’t show up, that is, not until I published the second one.

• Another blog has an ad that I want to move, but I can’t locate the ad in the code. Computer frustration has its own special aggravation.

Third, income I’ve earned from teaching an online course hasn’t arrived in a timely manner.

These things in combination could easily derail me, throwing me off course. So it is quite clear to me that to maintain my inner joy I must practice what I preach.

I scanned back through my life to recall how I’ve dealt with sadness, grief and frustration in the past. Some of it was not so pretty. But as I’ve become more enlightened over the years, I have discovered some things that work for me.

• Get off the merry-go-round.

I’ve always loved the merry-go-rounds at the carnival. I don’t know exactly why.  Maybe it’s the predictability, the low risk, the chance to let the imagination soar, or a warm memory of childhood. At one time I even researched the history of carousels and found out where the ones made by the old craftsmen are located.But when negative things seem to pile and threaten to overwhelm me, I feel like I must step outside of it all. I call this getting off the merry-go-round.

• Get still.

As much as I love entertaining, going to plays, dining out, all of this goes on hold when I need to get still.Sometimes I just sit on my patio observing nature. There’s always something new to discover when I do that. Today I discovered that my stargazers are blooming. (See the photo above)Since gardening is not my strength, seeing something I planted last year return is nothing short of miraculous.

Other times I meditate. Learn a simple meditation here.

Lately I’ve begun participating in the StillnessExperiment. It’s easy to do. Check it out.

• Always I pray.
  

• Listen
  

When I become still my inner spirit sorts and puts things in perspective. Things never look as bad from the inside as they do from the outside. Solutions emerge–sometimes loud and clear, other times soft and gentle. I love to listen to the wisdom of others through books and sermons of hope and inspiration.

I share my experiences with you so that you know that I face the same challenges as anyone else. Just as it takes high and low notes to make a beautiful piece of music, so it is with life. Life’s rhythm has ups and downs, major and minor keys.  The principles for maintaining inner joy take into account life’s rhythm and enable you to enjoy the flow without being swept away by it.  

I practice what I preach. I encourage you to do the same.