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Say Yes to Yourself and No to Other People
By Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D. | February 28, 2008
Have you ever agreed to do something, and two seconds later knew you had made a big mistake?
- Like the time you loaned money to your cousin who never calls except to borrow money
- Or the time your nomadic friend asked if he could spend the weekend until he got his own place and it turned into 3 months
- Or the 15th time you go out of your way to take your child’s forgotten lunch to school and now you’re late to work again
You can tell when you’re about to be had, or placed in a stressful situation. And yet you do it.
If you want to be happy you’ve got to learn to say “No” to other people because then you’re saying “Yes” to yourself.
I’ve discovered that it feels so much better to just say “No” in the first place when you clearly don’t want to do something rather than have regrets later.
Here are some things that have worked for me.
- Keep it brief. The more you talk, the more it weakens your resolve. A firm “No” is enough.
- Don’t apologize. You’re not usually really sorry. Stick to the point.
- Don’t engage in an explanation or excuse. It’s nobody’s business.
- Learn some pleasant, but true ways to say “No” if you’re uncomfortable with this. Smile while you saying these.
. –I have other plans. (Maybe you have to paint your toenails.)
–It’s not a convenient time for me. (You planned to spend the evening enjoying quiet time.)
–It’s not a good time for me. (Try back when pigs fly.)
Telephone tips
- Look at caller ID before picking up your phone. If it says Unknown Caller, let them remain unknown.
- If you recognize the name, but don’t want to talk, don’t pick up the phone. They’ll leave a message, or not.
- When you pick up the phone and it’s a telemarketer hang up, especially they say
–”May I speak to Mr. or Mrs. …”
I bet you feel better just imagining yourself saying “No” in these situations. Now make it real. You’ll be so glad you did.
Topics: Life choices, Saying no | No Comments »