Color Your Life Happy

Once I asked my college students to raise their hands if they ever talk to themselves. Only a few tentatively complied.  Little did they know, or want to admit, that we all talk to ourselves. This voice is called by many names. Most experts call it our inner critic.

I call mine Susie.

Susie likes to remind me of my failures or bring me down when I am meeting strangers or trying a new skill. Her goal is to dredge up sad memories and deflate my self worth.

The first thing I do to disarm Susie is to acknowledge her presence. Then I command her to sit down.

Susie is afraid of everything. Failure. Success. Riding. Driving. Flying. Speaking. Making mistakes. You name it, Susie fears it.

Now you can understand that if I’m to continue to achieve and enjoy, Susie must be acknowledged and silenced. She can’t be ignored. She can’t be killed. She’s invincible like the character in Terminator who appears to be destroyed when shot, but in a few minutes just melds back into the same character continuing his pursuit.

Though our inner critic never goes away, we can like cowboys taming a wild horse, bring this unruly voice under control. The cowboy (at least in the movies) succeeds not because he yells at the bucking horse from safety outside the corral. Horses are intelligent animals and their behavior is how they survive in the wild.  When the cowboy climbs on the blustering animal and stays aboard, the horse recognizes that all his kicking and jostling is counterproductive and becomes calm. Like us, the horse was afraid at first. (Relax animal lovers. No animals were harmed during this metaphor.)

We can’t ignore or wish away our inner voice. We must get the upper hand. As a matter of fact, getting our inner critic under control is our only way to enjoy success and happiness.

Left to her wild behavior, Susie would have me floundering in self-destructive behavior or cowering in a corner.

Some think that positive affirmations can silence the inner critic, but before the positive words can take hold, we have to stop the inner critic in her tracks.  

Sometimes I silence Susie gently, other times I have to get firmer and say “Shut up!”  She whines her way back to her corner acting hurt, but I know it’s temporary. She’ll be back to her old tricks the next time I take a risk.

How are you handling your inner critic?