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Is All Fair in Love ?
By Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D. | February 14, 2008
| We love to lie to the ones we love.Deception is more prevalent in romantic relationships than anywhere else. From “No, you don’t look fat” to “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” the lies in relationships abound.
Missouri psychologist Dory Hollander reported in her book 101 Lies Men Tell Women, that 85% of college students interviewed said that they had lied to their partners about indiscretions. |
A few findings from the Top Ten List of the research on lying in romantic relationship are
- Deception is an inherent and necessary aspect of our close relationships
- Most deception is successful because it never gets detected
- We save the biggest and most serious lies for the ones we love
If the concept of lying in relationships is broad enough to cover exaggerations, what do we make of love letters and poetry? Most of us would stop short of calling them lies. In fact, we long for these exaggerations.
Who wouldn’t want to receive a letter like the one Elizabeth wrote to Robert Browning?
Sonnet #43, From the Portuguese
by
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints!—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.Take this survey to see how you measure up when it comes to deceiving or concealing things from your partner.
Topics: Deception in romantic relationships, Lies, Lies of omission, Life choices |